Now imagine that the packaging contained no images or directions. Instead, it simply read “Superhero” or “Princess.” It would be up to you to look at the pieces in the package and put together your character. When finished, your superhero might look a bit different than your friend’s, but that’s okay. You used the available pieces to construct your own interpretation.

A synthesis essay is a lot like constructing a character from a package of building blocks. You need to look at all the pieces and see how they fit together to create your argument. Need a little help envisioning what that might look like in an actual essay? Here are two synthesis essay examples that have it all together.

2 Synthesis Essay Examples That Have It All Together

Before we get to the actual nuts and bolts of the examples, take a few minutes to refresh your memory about the key components of a synthesis essay by reading How to Write a Surprisingly Good Synthesis Essay.

Ready to look at the examples? Great!

I’ve included two synthesis essay examples and have inserted comments throughout to help illustrate what works well in each of the essays and what areas are in need of revision.

For both essays, when you see a number in brackets at the end of the paragraphs *[#], my numbered comments apply to each corresponding paragraph.

Synthesis Essay Example #1: A Synthesis Essay on Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye

A synthesis essay examines evidence and draws conclusions based on that evidence.

In this essay, the writer uses evidence from two research sources, as well as evidence from the novel, to argue that Holden Caulfield suffers from major depressive disorder.

Note: This paper uses MLA format. Learn more about proper MLA 8 citation here.

A Synthesis Essay on Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye

Holden Caulfield experiences several drastic changes in his life. As a teenager who was ultimately striving to escape “phonies” and the harsh reality of life, he faces several obstacles, some of which he walked into consciously. Holden experienced a tragic death of his brother, Allie, who he held very dearly and described as joyful and full of life. Allie died when he was quite young, and this incident took a toll on Holden’s mental stability. *[1]

Susan says:

*[1] While the opening paragraph does clue readers in on the focus of the paper, it’s rather dry. To spice up the introduction, the writer might open with a specific scene or quote from Caulfield to help illustrate his mental state.

Learn more about creating effective introductions by reading What’s Missing From Your Introduction (and How to Fix It).

Due to the excessive bereavement that Holden was exposed to, it is quite likely that he suffered from major depressive disorder, which is prevalent through his day-to-day actions and his thoughts. *[2]

Susan says:

*[2] This thesis statement uses the examples of Caulfield’s bereavement throughout his young life to draw the conclusion that this has led to depression.

This is an effective thesis statement because it helps the audience understand the core argument of this synthesis essay: that Caulfield suffers from major depressive disorder.

As Allie died when he was quite young, the situation came with more grief than what would’ve been if he was old, and expected to pass away. This caused Holden to evaluate his own life. As he grew up, Holden passed the age at which Allie passed away, which only worsened his fears of abandonment of his childhood and death. Holden begins to see himself in Allie during certain parts of his life, and he is crippled with fear of not being to experience life, like Allie. According to Dr. P.G White, one of the effects of sibling loss is “the fear of death led some children to believe that death would come to them next.” In this case, Holden fears that he will suffer the same way Allie did. *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] Here, the writer succinctly summarizes Caulfield’s thought processes on losing his sibling and examines how this has affected his mental state. The writer then uses a quote from a source to help support the argument that Caulfield is struggling and likely fears his own death.

The writer might further support this section through additional examples and/or evidence from sources to illustrate how such fears can lead to depression in some individuals.

He fears having to step into the world where things are not censored for children, and he is constantly faced with reality. One example of this thought process occurs when Holden aggressively tries to the erase the profanity from the walls of a museum he often visited as child. He states that “you can’t ever find a place that’s nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any.”  The museum was a cornerstone of Holden’s childhood, and seeing such harsh words all over the walls gives Holden a reality check. He realizes that the darkness of the world will ultimately affect even the most “innocent” parts of one’s childhood, and he isn’t able to cope with this realization. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] In this section, the writer successfully uses a quote from the novel to illustrate Caulfield’s thoughts and struggles with finding peace. This provides clear insight into the character’s mind and helps further support the claim that Caulfield is depressed.

The writer directly quotes the novel in this paragraph but forgets to include proper citation. An in-text citation (and a Works Cited or Reference page) is required when summarizing, paraphrasing, and/or quoting sources.

To learn more about avoiding plagiarism, read Q&A: What You Should Know About Avoiding Plagiarism.

His childhood friend, Jane, was another part of his “innocent childhood” that came back to haunt him. Holden discovers that Jane had been romantically seeing one of his friends, who was notorious for being sexual with girls. When thinking about Jane in this manner and trying to process that she could’ve done such things, Holden inflicts more pain on himself. He had only remembered her as a little girl who he spent innocent time with in his childhood, and to see even her growing up and partaking in activities meant for adults, makes him feel as if he is being left behind. To make the problem worse, Holden is clearly not ready to let go of his childhood at this point. This notion that Holden has contributes to validating his massive depressive disorder. Holden seems to have given up hope on finding peace, and realizes that there are always obstacles. Unfortunately, he feels as if he cannot face them. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] This section contains an additional example to illustrate Caulfield’s search for peace and offers additional insight into his mental state. Because he struggles to face life and is unable to move beyond his childhood images, he falls further into depression.

Holden often refers to the ducks in the pond that seemed to know exactly where to go where the pond froze in the winter. Even when he would be having conversations with people, such as Mr. Spencer, his former teacher, he has the ducks in the back of his mind. (Salinger 13). Holden uses the ducks as a symbol of his peers throughout his narration. The ducks always seemed to know where to go, and Holden, looking from the outside, has no idea how or where they would go. This type of feeling is often prevalent in a teenager who is facing the various transitions into adulthood, but Holden was not ready to face this, which only led to further frustration. According to “The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,” feelings of isolation are symptomatic for massive depressive disorder, and Holden’s consistent mention of the ducks, while he exempted himself from the latter, all contribute to reasserting the point. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] In this paragraph, the writer combines an example from the novel with an example from outside research to illustrate Caulfield’s depression, his feelings of isolation, and his struggles to find his path in life.

Including both textual evidence and evidence from a source is an excellent strategy. It demonstrates the writer’s ability to examine multiple sources and synthesize them into an argument.

Furthermore, when he is staying at hotel, he invites in a prostitute, but rather than engaging in any sexual activity with her, he merely asks to talk. This shows how lonely and distant Holden was feeling from the masses. He only wanted someone’s company, and was not interested in the common pleasures that a person might desire. This tendency adds to the validation of Holden’s depression. *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] The writer includes a second example from the novel here to further illustrate Caulfield’s depression and feelings of isolation. While this is a good example, the ideas are underdeveloped.

To strengthen this section, the writer could include additional evidence from an outside source to explain how Caulfield’s need to talk and be in another person’s company illustrates his depression.

Holden went through a number of schools and prestigious institutions throughout his life. He would always do really poorly in school, but was apparently intelligent according to his teachers and himself. Holden’s problem with school can be directly attributed to his apathy towards the system. According to DSM, “failing performance and missing school or work” and apathy towards work all indicate severe depression. Another aspect of his behavior with external forces is his tendency to place blame on others. He would constantly talk about the several faults of his friends, peers, and even strangers that he encountered, like the ladies in the bar. He saw himself as being on a higher level of higher, which, according to DSM, could be a form of denial for his own issues, indicating depression. *[8]

Susan says:

*[8] Though this section includes solid examples from both the novel and from a research source, the discussion of both is limited. By including further details of Caulfield’s experiences in school and with friends, the writer would further strengthen the argument.

Holden Caulfield experiences several ups and downs in life. He had to deal with the tragedy of losing a loved one, and also feeling isolated and distant from his peers. All of these unfortunate aspects of his life ultimately contributed to excessive bereavement, which led to major depressive disorder. *[9]

Susan says:

*[9] The concluding paragraph is adequate, but like the introduction, it’s brief. The writer might use a concluding strategy (like those used in the examples here) to develop a more powerful ending.

Works Cited

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-IV-TR. American Psychiatric Association, 2000.

Salinger, J. D. The Catcher in the Rye. Little, Brown and Company, 1951.

White, P. Gill. The Sibling Connection–Counseling, Support and Healing Resources for Grieving Sisters and Brothers. 2011, www.counselingstlouis.net/index.html. Accessed 15 Apr. 2015.

Synthesis Essay Example #2: Assessing the Responsibilities of Private and Federal Organizations in Solving Environmental Problems

This synthesis essay example synthesizes the evidence presented in several sources to examine how both private and federal organizations work (or in some cases, don’t work) toward solving environmental problems.

Note: This essay follows APA format.

Assessing the Responsibilities of Private and Federal Organizations in Solving Environmental Problems

In situations of economic stress or recovery, society has a way of redistributing blame to maintain peace and avoid further conflict. People living in a society feel better if they are under the protective wing of some form of government who can both enforce laws and take responsibility. The government, in turn, will allocate responsibility into specialized organizations. These institutions are granted the power to decide and execute the best methods of solving problems. Some of these institutions, i.e. the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, launch campaigns aimed toward the general public to take personal responsibility for their impact on the environment. At first glance, this may appear to be a means of freeing both government and society from blame. However, the establishment of such organizations distributes responsibility to accomplish a common goal; they try to divide any social concern so that it may be approached from multiple perspectives. This can only increase the probability of success. *[1]

Susan says:

*[1] The introduction of this essays works well because it provides background information for the readers. This not only informs the audience of how government agencies and society work toward the common goal of protecting the environment but also sets up the focus of the paper.

The goal of this essay is to assess the responsibilities of private and federal organizations, specifically in how they support or impede efforts to solve different environmental problems. *[2]

Susan says:

*[2] This thesis statement announces the goals of the essay and what the writer hopes to accomplish.

While this type of thesis statement is appropriate for this essay and is often acceptable in scientific papers, keep in mind that most professors in the humanities suggest that you don’t announce goals in a thesis statement by stating “This paper will be about…”

For help with strengthening your thesis statement, read How to Turn a Good Thesis Statement Into a Great One.

The managerial model can be used to describe the processes in constructing social institutions and organizations. The managerial paradigm is a tool for understanding patterns of social behavior and change. When a society is under environmental crisis, the managerial paradigm emphasizes the need for substantial structural change. It is the responsibility of managerial decision-makers to create or maintain major social institutions, like capitalism and local government systems. The decisions made from these organizations are also subject to this model (Humphrey, et al., 2002). *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] The writer uses the second paragraph of this essay to provide readers with additional background information. Combined with the first paragraph, this section clearly establishes the focus of the essay and lays the groundwork for the essay’s topic.

Also note that the in-text citation at the end of this paragraph has a formatting error (as do all of the in-text citations for sources with more than one author throughout the paper).

Need help with APA in-text citations? Check out this handy infographic with examples.

Davis (2003) describes a smog epidemic that quietly adds to the yearly death tolls in cities around the world. More importantly, he compares the responses and solutions imposed by emergency government and social task forces or lack thereof. The London incidence, which claimed over a thousand lives a week, caught the attention of Parliament and several insurance companies. Unfortunately, managerial concern for this pollution problem did not arise until the consequences became much worse. The managerial method is dictated by reform from within, and the British government conducted studies that would help assess the situation and find the best solution. However, the numbers were muddled with the deaths of people who “would have died anyway” given predictions on past years, making the true smog-related deaths difficult to calculate. Also, the sickness and morbidity rates were not very organized and missing important numbers.  An official report of the London fog was issued two years later naming influenza as the cause of death. Although managerial practices were initially intended, little was changed or implemented to solve the pollution problem. Thus, the managerial practices failed (Davis and Gaynor, 2003). *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] The previous paragraph describes the managerial process, and in this paragraph, the writer clearly synthesizes evidence from sources to illustrate how the managerial process failed as it relates to smog control.

In the Los Angeles case, the California state government recognized the similarities between the deadly smog incidences in Donora and their own brown haze and issued the first Air Pollution Control Act of 1949. This soon authorized the creation of an Air Pollution Control District in every county in California. By 1954, LA had more cars than any other city in California and pollution was becoming a hot political issue. It had not become a managerial issue until a team led by Lester Breslow, California chief of environmental health, developed methods of dealing with air pollution that is used throughout the world today. California became the first state to impose auto emissions standards car engine tests and severely reduced the state’s air contaminant levels. The state was also first to set up programs for “setting and changing the standards for key air pollutants” (Davis and Gaynor, 2003).  Breslow’s revolutionary approach to solving an environmental problem does the best job of illustrating the managerial paradigm than all of the other cases. By cleaning up the city’s air, Breslow renewed the community’s opinion of regulatory managers and increased political legitimacy during tough times. This gives agency managers greater ability to exercise authority for the benefit of the environment (Humphrey, et al., 2002). *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] While the previous paragraph illustrates the failings of the managerial paradigm, this paragraph includes an example of the successes of the managerial process.

By including both positive and negative examples of the topic, this writer has provided a stronger discussion that is objective, rather than biased, in its coverage of the topic.

Corporations are also subject to the managerial paradigm, although decision-making and accountability are handled a little differently. Corporations assume no liability and responsibility falls directly upon its shareholders. For the most part, decisions are handled by a board of directors. In a capitalist society, competition is the only driving force for self-improvement. Competition forces corporations to make the best product for the lowest prices for the benefit of the consumer.  Nowadays, that just isn’t enough. When price or quality is similar, consumers tend to favor the corporation that is the most eco-friendly. Animal testing and industrial pollution are now universally frowned upon for any corporation. When found guilty of any anti-environmental deeds, a corporation can decide to settle the matter out of court or organize a committee or agency to solve the problem. In this example, both decision-making and responsibility-reassignment are practiced to demonstrate the fundamentals of the managerial model (Haeckel, 2005). *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] The introduction and thesis indicate that the essay will discuss both government and private examples of the managerial paradigm. Thus, this paragraph follows the thesis and successfully transitions from a discussion of the government to a discussion of corporations.

The paragraph again effectively uses evidence from a source to broadly discuss how corporations handle the managerial paradigm and that they may be forced to litigate to solve potential anti-environmental concerns.

An example found in the text by Robert and Thanos would be the Pemon resistance to the logging and mining companies. Decree 1850 gave foreign industries the right to Colombian land including 40% of the native people’s reserve. CUG electric company planned to build a 470-mile power line would link Brazil and Venezuela with a steady stream of hydroelectric power. Unfortunately, the Guri Power Line would also impact the lives of 24,000 indigenous people, including the native Pemon of Columbia. Environmentalists from the United States argued that the desecration of the Pemon’s sacred land would destroy forests, decrease biodiversity, poison the water supply, and increase erosion. They were also worried that urbanization of local villages would increase crime and introduce prostitution. Activists protested foreign companies in a variety of ways to get their point across. They held over 75 public protests, blockaded highways, and even threatened mass suicide. In 1998, the Pemon and Colombian government came to an uneasy compromise. They agreed that the land be demarcated as sacred land and the Guri Power Line could be constructed, but no industry powered by the line could reside within the National Park borders. The U.S. became involved because they believed that the Pemon held the right to protect their distinctive, 4th-world relations with their land. The Venezuelan corporation, following the managerial paradigm, combated an activist movement, or a civil society organization, whose actions closely resembled that of the radical paradigm (Roberts and Thanos, 2003). *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] Here, the writer synthesizes information about corporations and includes a specific example to illustrate the general principles discussed in the previous paragraph.

This paragraph (and the preceding paragraph) follows the same organizational pattern as the previous discussion about government agencies. Keeping the organizational pattern consistent creates an easy-to-read and effective argument.

[Five paragraphs omitted]

Institutions that impact the environment range from corporations exploiting natural resources to government issued policies limiting fuel consumption to pro-environmental activists collecting signatures for wildlife conservation.  The paradigms involved range from managerial to radical. The environmental impact may be positive or negative and the actual, physical impact the parties have may vary. The driving forces behind these organizations include profit, responsibility, religion, love, and pure survival. The case studies presented should show how private and federal organizations may contribute to both environment and society. *[8]

Susan says:

*[8] I’ve deleted a few of the body paragraphs of this essay to focus on the conclusion.

Notice that the final words restate the main ideas expressed in the paper, yet they don’t use exact wording from the essay. (Remember, restating ideas is fine, but copying your sentences word for word is not.)

Also, note that this essay presents case studies. It is informational and reports content. Thus, it doesn’t end with a more traditional humanities conclusion that might call readers to action.

Learn more about essay conclusions by reading How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.

References

Diamond, J. D. (2005). Collapse: How societies choose to fail or succeed. New York, NY: Penguin.

Haeckel, S. H. (2005). Origins and axioms of the industrial age managerial framework. Retrieved from http://www.senseandrespond.com/essays/industrial-age-managerial-paradigm/

Humphrey, C. R., Lewis, T. L, & Buttel, F. H. (Eds.). (2002). Environment, energy, and society: A new synthesis. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth.

Kinder, C. (1998). The population explosion: Causes and consequences. Retrieved from http://teachersinstitute.yale.edu/curriculum/units/1998/7/98.07.02.x.html

Roberts, J. T., & Thanos, N. D. (2003). Trouble in paradise: Globalization and environmental crises in Latin America. New York, NY: Routledge.

Ready to Put Your Ideas Together?

If you feel like you’ve got a pretty good grasp of things after reading the two synthesis essay examples and you’re ready to piece together your ideas, start by creating an outline.

After you’ve finished your outline and are ready to write a synthesis essay, use these resources to help make your paper awesome:

• 15 Rhetorical Devices That Will Spice Up Your Essays
• 10 Essay Writing Rules to Throw Out the Window

If you’ve got the basic structure down but feel that the building blocks of your essay are still a little wobbly, an editor can help. Let us show you how to work through your writing concerns and help you build a solid essay.

Though writing a personal statement generally has nothing to do with how you dress (unless, perhaps, you work in the fashion industry), it does have something in common with appearances.

What you wear can say a lot about your style and maybe even your personality. A personal statement says a lot about who you are as a student, who you are as a person, and who you hope to become as a professional working in your chosen field.

Not sure how that translates into an actual written document? Check out these two personal statement examples that will inspire you.

A Review of Personal Statements

A personal statement is generally an essay (usually a page or two long) that you’ll write as part your college admissions process or as part of a job application process.

A personal statement is your chance to shine. It’s your chance to demonstrate to the committee that you’re a perfect fit for the college or for the job.

A personal statement is your chance to shine. To show you’re a perfect fit.
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Remember that even though personal statements are usually required for general college admissions, you might also write a personal statement as a college student if you’re applying for a specific program, such as a nursing or teaching program.

You may even be asked to write a personal statement in the form of a teaching philosophy statement if you’re in the education program or if you’re applying for a teaching position.

If you’d like a little more information about personal statements, take a look at these posts from our blog:

• Personal Statement Advice: Here’s What the Admissions Experts Have to Say
• 4 Must-Answer Questions Before Brainstorming Personal Statement Topics
• Personal Statement Topics: A Step-by-Step Tutorial to Finding Yours!

If you’d like even more information, I suggest reading Tips on Writing Personal Statements.

Now that you’ve had a chance to refresh your memory on the finer points of personal statements, let’s take a look at two personal statement examples.

2 Personal Statement Examples That Make a Strong Statement

The examples below illustrate two slightly different types of personal statements.

The first is a standard personal statement with the goal of college admission. The second is also a personal statement but is specific to education. Thus, it explains the writer’s teaching philosophy. This personal statement was written as part of a job application.

In each example, I’ve noted strengths of the personal statement and highlighted places where the writer might improve the statement.

For both personal statement examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. When you see a number in brackets at the end of the paragraph(s) *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph(s) as a whole.

Personal Statement #1: Why Georgetown University?

I’ve always envisioned myself as becoming the type of physician that is an integral part of the community I live in. I believe the role of a physician extends beyond simply being a medical practitioner for a patient. Becoming a physician is a privilege that would place me in a position to be a pillar to my community. I know that Georgetown University understands this notion, from its focus on cura personalis, to its principles of community service. Georgetown offers many tools that would allow me to shape myself into the type of physician I aim to become. *[1]

Susan says:

*[1] The writer opens the personal statement with a first-person description of his goals as a future physician and what he believes is the role of a physician.

This is an excellent strategy. It clearly outlines the focus of the statement: to describe his future plans as a physician.

The last sentence also makes a clear connection between the writer’s personal beliefs and how they align with the school’s mission.

Georgetown University’s premise of cura personalis, an idea that aims to heal both physically and psychosocially intrigues me. I know that the underlying principles of cura personalis were designed to respect each individual human being, especially those who are the most disenfranchised in our society. This concern for the most vulnerable members of society draws me to Georgetown. Georgetown acknowledges the existence of the working class and underserved individuals in our society; as well as those who feel they aren’t receiving the proper representation. *[2]

Susan says:

*[2] Building off the end of the previous paragraph, the writer also makes a clear connection in this paragraph to his personal beliefs and how they align with the university’s mission and academic programs.

This is another great strategy because it demonstrates the fact that the writer’s goals are a perfect match with the goals of the university.

I began volunteering at a Kingsbrook Jewish Medical Center, an acute care facility in Brooklyn, as a patient advocate and navigator. As an advocate I gave a voice to patients who came from my own community. When I performed follow up surveys I was delighted to hear them speak positively about their hospital visits, which for many people can be a painstaking task. I aim to deepen my commitment to my community and work to empower its members that feel powerless. Much like the premise of cura personalis I believe that a community needs to be cared for on multiple levels, healthcare being only one such level. *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] An important aspect of convincing a college that you should be admitted is to illustrate your past achievements and explain how they align with your future goals.

In this paragraph, the writer does just that. He explains his past experience in the medical field and how it will inform his future work as a physician.

My decision to pursue medicine is a fairly recent one. When compared to some of my cohorts that will be applying to Georgetown University, I am likely to have less clinical experience . I’m excited to take advantage of two opportunities for clinical experience offered at Georgetown that would be invaluable. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] Remember, being honest and sincere is important in a personal statement. Readers want to learn about both your strengths and possible shortcomings.

Here, the writer is honest, indicating that his experience is limited but that he’s eager to continue his education and take advantage of the programs at Georgetown.

Georgetown’s emphasis on an early introduction to patient care and clinical training which, I have heard, can begin as early as the first semester is the first clinical opportunity that I’m drawn to. It excites me to think that I can begin clinical training that early. After submitting my AMCAS I’ve begun to shadow Dr. Latif, a hematologist/oncologist, at Kingsbrook Medical Center. Sitting in with Dr. Latif and her residents during clinicals has become the high point of my week. Watching Dr. Latif as she engages patients, uses her knowledge, and puts patients at ease is inspiring. In order to instill the same level of comfort and show the same attention to detail I know I have to increase my clinical training at the first opportunity I get. *[5]

Much like New York City, Washington D.C. is a city with a large degree of diversity. I am interested in working with diverse patient populations, as well as giving back to the community I live in. Georgetown’s HOYA Volunteer Clinic is another opportunity for students to do both of those things. It is my hope to be able to be a part of D.C.’s volunteer clinic by serving D.C.’s medically underserved patient population. The HOYA clinic would allow me to expand upon the clinical experience I started through volunteering at Kingsbrook, a small urban hospital in Brooklyn. *[6]

Susan says:

*[5], *[6] The writer uses these two paragraphs to highlight the programs he believes will be helpful to him in his studies. Notice that the writer clearly describes the programs and how they fit with his goals.

This description of the programs is another excellent strategy. The admissions representatives will expect you to have some knowledge of the school and its programs if you’re applying for admission.

It would give me a great deal of pleasure to extend the principles of cura personalis on a global level by helping the global community. Again, Georgetown acknowledges that better healthcare options are essential to all people, not just those in the United States. The elective international medicine programs offered at Georgetown grabbed my attention. As someone who relocated to the United States at an early age, I have an appreciation for those that recognize the existence of the developing world. I’ve long been interested in other cultures and languages to the point where I’ve devoted a good deal of  time to learning the Spanish language to help me better communicate with coworkers and community members in my first job at a popular fast food restaurant. Those I communicated with deeply appreciated my effort in making it easier for us to understand each other. Since then, I’ve also made attempts at self teaching the Japanese language. I know that interacting with a wide range of people, and immersions in the culture of others is a necessity in today’s multi-cultural society. Only through communication, and exposure to those unlike myself can I continue to be open minded. *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] Here, the writer focuses on life outside of the university and how he has worked with a variety of cultures. This demonstrates both his willingness to work in the community and his excitement for his future profession.

Keep in mind that admissions representatives will want to see you not just as a potential student but also as a well-rounded individual. Therefore, it’s a smart idea to include information about your volunteer efforts and community involvement.

The last reason for choosing Georgetown pertains to its location in our nation’s capital; a city that is as vibrant and diverse as New York City. To experience another cosmopolitan city would only increase my versatility as a physician through my exposure to a wide array of people and conditions. It is my hope that the transition from New York to D.C. will be a smooth one because of the similarities of both locations. *[8]

Susan says:

*[8] Though the location of the school may be crucial to this student, this last paragraph is out of place. It’s important to end strong and leave readers with a good impression. This paragraph falls flat.

The writer could have deleted this paragraph or revised to include the information in another part of the statement.

Personal Statement #2: My Teaching Philosophy

Teachers play a pivotal role in the learning experience of students. An effective communication between the students and the teacher is made when students with different levels of background knowledge and career goals find a common interest in the subject being taught as well as in the method of teaching being applied. As a student I was very fortunate to have a group of teachers who showed me the connection between the real world and the science taught in the classroom. As a teacher, my philosophy is to share that gift with my students that will not only facilitate knowledge acquisition and improve technical competence but also cultivate critical thinking ability and problem solving skills in their professional life.*[1]

Susan says:

*[1] The writer opens his personal statement with a clear, focused statement that links his past learning to his current goals as a teacher.

The goal of this type of personal statement (a teaching philosophy) is to explain one’s personal beliefs and goals as a teacher.

This opening does just that. It clearly demonstrates the aspects of teaching that he deems most important.

My philosophy is to ensure that my students are able to retain the essence of my teaching and would apply it during their professional career. To achieve this goal it is important to develop a sense of appreciation for classroom teaching of basic and applied biological sciences among the students and to explain how this knowledge would help them to perform better in professional career. I frequently use case studies and simulated clinical setups to demonstrate the bridge between textbook knowledge and real life challenges. I also incorporate active learning elements, such as brainstorming, creative thinking, organized group activities and role-playing to facilitate cooperative learning as well as to keep students actively engaged in my class. I often arrange my quiz sessions in a group activity where two to three students can discuss their answers or ideas before sharing it with the entire class. These types of exercises keep students interactive and reduce their apprehension for being called upon individually, and thereby increase the level of participation. *[2]

Susan says:

*[2] This paragraph outlines the types of real-world examples he uses in his classroom to help students make connections and develop critical thinking skills.

Including specific examples allows the interviewers to see exactly what his classes are like and how they are part of his teaching philosophy.

Adopting a multi-component teaching technique in every levels of the curriculum, from course design to feedback based continuous evaluation system enables me to understand my students more closely, care for their individual success and well-being and help every student to achieve their personal goals. I like to design the lectures and the laboratory sessions in a tightly integrated fashion, at most a few days apart, so that students can remember the concept at the time of applying it in the laboratory. This facilitates the learning process two ways; first, recently learned theoretical facts help them to grasp laboratory techniques relatively easily and second, hands on application helps them to understand the concept with better clarity. *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] This paragraph illustrates another technique this teacher uses to help students succeed: scheduling labs and lectures close together to help students retain information.

Again, this paragraph provides specific examples that help illustrate his teaching philosophy.

I understand that different institutions, departments and programs differ in their philosophy and value system and mostly driven by the needs of the respective student population. As I look forward to pursue my teaching career at the North Georgia College and State University, I am eager to learn from my colleagues who have vast teaching experience and are knowledgeable about the students in this particular institution. I am confident that with my sincere effort and personal attention to every student, I will become a part of the team providing quality education to our students and serving our community. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] Note that the tone of this section becomes a bit humble. The writer acknowledges that, even though he’s an effective teacher, he’s eager to learn from colleagues who may have even more experience.

Remember to keep the tone of your own personal statement in check. You want to impress your audience without sounding like you’re so great that you’re almost too good for the school or for the job.

At the same time, though, you want to be project self-confidence and be persuasive.

Teaching Experiences

Earlier after my masters in pharmaceutical sciences and one year experience of senior research fellow at the prestigious National Institute of Pharmaceutical Education and research in the Natural Products department, I was appointed as lecturer in Pharmacy at Himalayan Pharmacy Institute, India. During my two and half year lecturer ship I have offered courses in Pharmacognosyor Natural Product Chemistry, and Analytical Chemistry for undergraduate Pharmacy students. Many students became interested in isolation and purification of bioactive molecules from plants and later they pursued higher studies. Several of the students always kept in touch with me even after I left Himalayan Pharmacy Institute and came to University of Nebraska Lincoln to pursue PhD degree. After joining University of Nebraska Lincoln in a PhD program in micro/molecular biology I was awarded Teaching Assistantship for five consecutive years. During this time I was Teaching Assistant for Freshman Biology, Freshman Microbiology, and traditional Microbiology Lab courses. In 2008 and 09 I was Head Teaching Assistant where my duties included mentoring other Teaching Assistants, preparing Laboratory examinations along with teaching. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] Here, the writer lists his professional achievements. Take note that this is a list of achievements, not a paragraph in which you brag about how great you are.

While it’s fine to highlight your achievements, it’s not okay to try to be someone you’re not. In other words, be honest about what you have (or have not) done.

Don’t try to add information just to make yourself sound better (or just to make your statement longer).

Teaching Plans

During my PhD I have successfully completed graduate level courses on Industrial Microbiology and Biotechnology, Microbial Physiology, Fungal Genetics and Cell Biology, Microbial Diversity, Food Bourne Pathogens, Pathogenic Microbiology, Cell Biology and Genetics, Molecular Genetics, Bioinformatics, Immunology, Protein Structure and Functions. I have broad research expertise in the fields of Microbiology, Eukaryotic Cell Biology, Biochemistry, and Genetics that have prepared me perfectly to offer undergraduate level courses in these fields. I am also equally adept in offering graduate level courses involving basic Eukaryotic Biochemistry, Genetics, and Cellular Biology with a focus on Cancer along with Yeast and Fungal Genetics.*[6]

Susan says:

*[6] In this final section, the writer highlights the relevant courses he has completed, his research skills, and what courses he is qualified to teach.

This final paragraph works well to sum up his statement. It helps the interviewers see exactly how and why he would be a good fit for the school.

Using this type of ending is a smart idea because it leaves readers with some final thoughts on why you’re perfect for the school or the job.

Make a Statement

Remember, you’re trying to make a statement with your personal statement.

While the lessons learned from the personal statement examples above can help you write a stronger statement, readers only have the example you send to them as evidence of who you are and what you stand for. Thus, you need to make sure it’s a true representation.

Sometimes it can be difficult to read your own writing and truly be objective. It can be hard to tell if you’ve captured the essence of you in a page or two.

To help determine if you’ve made a good impression, read your statement through the eyes of your audience. What is it you think they’d like to know about you? (They’ve probably hinted—or even outright told you—about what they’d like to see in their written guidelines.)

Not sure you know if you’ve hit the mark? Send your personal statement our way, and a Kibin editor will be happy to provide expert feedback.

• “Essay does not meet assignment guidelines.”
• “This is a good start, but ideas aren’t fully developed.”
• “This submission is a nice revision of your earlier draft.”
• “Exemplary! This is a wonderful illustration essay.”

I bet most (if not all) of you would say that you’d rather find the last statement written at the end of your essay. After all, who doesn’t like to receive glowing feedback about their work?

But what happens if, even after reading everything you can about how to write a good essay, you’re still trying to picture what an illustration essay might actually look like?

What happens if you’re so worried that your prof will write less than exemplary remarks on your paper that you can’t even concentrate on writing an awesome paper?

Here are two options.

You could 1) scour the internet for examples of illustration essays or 2) keep reading this post. I vote for option two because I’ve included two illustration essay examples (with annotations) in this post to inspire your own writing.

2 Illustration Essay Examples That Are Exemplary

Before we get to essay examples, here are two key points to remember about illustration essays:

1. The goal of an illustration essay is to use examples to illustrate a point or phenomenon.
2. An illustration essay is not an argumentative essay, so don’t confuse the two.

Looking for more information about illustration essays? Check out What Is an Illustration Essay and How Can You Write a Good One?

For both illustration essay examples below, my commentary is underneath each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph as a whole.

Now, on to those illustration essay examples.

Illustration essay example #1: The Public Intoxication Phenomenon Among College Athletes in America

The text below is an excerpt of the essay and contains annotations that highlight what this writer does well and also places where the writer might improve the essay.

If you’d like to read the full essay (without annotations) click on the title above.

The Public Intoxication Phenomenon Among College Athletes in America

Introduction

[1] Three Fresno state athletes have been charged and booked after they were arrested at a house party. Fresno State’s twenty-one-year-old starting quarterback named Mark has been charged for having alcohol and being a minor. Bill, a twenty-one-year-old linebacker, has been charged for obstructing a police officer. A twenty-three-year-old captain of the women’s soccer team named Jessica will face a misdemeanor charge for public intoxication; all three athletes will serve one game suspensions. Mark refused to leave the scene when asked due to the fact that he was a minor. Bill was not being cooperative toward officers by refusing to take a Breathalyzer test. The 23-year old soccer player had a blood alcohol level of 0.136 and the legal driving limit is 0.08. If convicted, all three students could face up to one year in county jail. These stories are often in the news about college athletes because they are known more throughout the community, so they are spotted easily than a non-athlete. So any little altercation they get into or law they break they will be picked out and addressed by the authorities or faculty.  Athletes also have different motives as to why they drink compared to everyone else because they have different stressors than their counterparts. The consequences an athlete can face are more severe than a member of the student body because there are a series of standards that an athlete has to uphold. The reduction of the amount of alcohol consumption by a student-athlete has to be at a moderate amount due to their involvement and presence at school. [2] This paper will investigate why this is a recurring phenomenon among college athletes. They consume alcohol more frequently and at a higher quantity as opposed to their colleagues due to their different mentalities. 

Susan says:

[1] The writer of this paper uses a list of examples of drunk athletes to help establish how common it is for athletes to be intoxicated.

Though this list of examples is too long for a shorter paper, because this opening is part of a longer paper, it works well in an introduction to grab readers’ attention.

Susan says:

[2] The final two sentences of this paragraph serve as the paper’s thesis statement. It identifies the focus of the paper: to illustrate that college athletes drink more frequently and consume more alcohol than other students.

Though the thesis functions well enough, it could be improved by combining the two sentences and using more effective wording.

For instance, the thesis statement might read like this: Due to differences in mentality, recurring intoxication is more common in college athletes than non-athletes.

Body paragraphs (excerpt) 

The Amount of Alcohol College Athletes Consume

Student athletes are known to consume more alcoholic beverages than their fellow non-athlete counterparts. [3] Athletes partake in what is called binge drinking; this method of drinking is defined as drinking five or more beverages with in the course of an hour (Tewksbury, Higgins, & Mustaine, 2008). College is a major transition in the course of one’s life, meaning that they are making a shift from adolescence into young adulthood. Athletes drink more than their fellow students because they are put under more pressure.  These pressures have multiple causes like the coach asking for optimal performance, as well as balancing classroom expectations (Doumas, Turrisi, Coll, & Haraso, 2007). [4] One big reason for the consumption is that they do not know any of the college community due to their regimented school schedule because they have to fit it time for practice throughout the day. So it eliminates any flexibility for interaction with anyone outside his or her immediate group. Social norms theory applies to alcohol use in athletes because they generally overestimate what they counterparts are drinking, Perceived norms and acceptability of alcohol use correlate with personal drinking because they are trying to keep up with everyone else (Martens, Dams-O’Connor, Duffy-Paiement, & Gibson ,2006). They are so desperate to fit in that they will do anything it takes to gain that acceptance.  Athletes have to deal with unique stressors in comparison with students who are non-athletes. They play more value on opinions and behaviors of those with similar problems because that who is they associate with more during the course of the day (Martens et al.).  Research on college drinking has supported the social norm theory. Providing evidence that perceived alcohol usage is exploited mostly among college athletes because of certain reinforcements. *[5]

Susan says:

[3] The writer correctly cites sources in APA format by including the author’s last name and the year of publication.

If you’re used to MLA format and need a quick refresher, read The Stress-Free Guide to MLA Format (8th Edition).

Susan says:

[4] Watch out for long, rambling sticky sentences like this one. The writer could improve the readability of this sentence by cutting unnecessary wording.

The new sentence might read something like this: Because college athletes have regimented school and practice schedules, they do not know much of the community and are more likely to consume alcohol.

The revision cuts 11 words. I know this doesn’t help your word count if you’re struggling for content, but it does help the readability.

Susan says:

*[5] This paragraph provides examples of student athletes drinking more heavily due to various stressors that they face.

The ideas expressed in this paragraph help the writer illustrate that the over-consumption of alcohol and public intoxication are problems among college athletes.

[6] Motives That Attribute to Athletes Over Consumption of Alcohol

A positively reinforced internal motive to drink is to enhance your mood states. Meaning since an athlete is being demanded to compete at a high caliber for two to three hours during practice as well as games during the weekend.  So they need a way to release that stress which comes by way of consuming alcohol.  Another motive to drink is a more external reason. They use alcohol as a familiar commodity that they can relate to and enjoy together. The external motive for drinking is to avoid rejection from peers, since athletes only associate with their fellow athletes and if they do not follow along and drink they will be rejected from the athletic group and they will basically be alone throughout their college life. One last internal motive to drink is being criticized and belittled by the coach, which puts them in more of a negative mood.  Studies reported that student athletes report high levels of social motives than non-athletes (Perkins, Westley, & David, 2006). As young athletes enter new environments their fellow teammates help determine what attitudes and behaviors are expected to be appropriate.  Peer influence is especially significant for highly integrated groups. (Andes, Poet, & McWilliams, 2012) did a study one-alcohol consumption, particularly with regard to high-risk behavior such as drinking games. The athletes drinking may increase drinking as their season increases because there are pressures to be perfect because they may be close to playoffs. In a study done on college athletes, intramural athletes they discovered that they drank more than non-athletes, but there is no difference between intramural athletes and intercollegiate athletes. The amount of sport involvement and increased so did the binge drinking. College athletes have the “work hard play hard” athletic identity is the extent to which a person identifies with an athletic role so they have the mentality so they fill the need to be the person that drinks the most and who is the alpha male. Individuals with low levels of athletic activity or involvement drink less because they usually don’t get invited. One stigma that follows players is their competitiveness; their competitiveness does not just stay on the field it translates to drinking. They are more susceptible to binge drink because they do not like losing and always want to be the best. So they can drink past the point where normal non-athletes would stop. *[7]

Susan says:

[6] While the writer wisely uses headings to break up the paper, the heading formatting doesn’t follow APA guidelines.

The writer correctly uses title case capitalization, but Level 1 headings in APA should be in bold text and centered.

Need to use headings like these in your APA paper? Check out this tutorial.

Susan says:

*[7] This paragraph is a bit lengthy, and the writer could organize the information more effectively by separating ideas (perhaps into external and internal motivation) and by using clear topic sentences to indicate the focus of each paragraph.

In addition, this paragraph is a bit more argumentative than the previous ones. However, it includes a variety of examples to illustrate that athletes drink for a variety of reasons, including peer pressure, stress from coaches, and celebration.

To make this a stronger illustration essay, the writer could also cite additional evidence and examples of athletes who are guilty of binge drinking or public intoxication instead of focusing so heavily on why athletes consume alcohol.

Stuck on Your Essay?

Check out thousands of example essays.

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Illustration essay example #2: The Impact of Media Hype on News Today

This essay is written in response to two articles and provides an illustration of how media often exaggerates stories as a scare tactic. The essay also includes the writer’s personal reaction to such tactics.

Remember to check with your professor to see whether you’re allowed to write in first-person point of view (as this essay does).

Media Hype Paper

Introduction

John Stossel wrote two compelling articles, Worry About the Right Things and The Media Likes Scaring Us, about how American media focuses on writing stories that feed our Fear Industrial Complex and why we like it. It is not shocking that the news hand-picks stories that are rare but extreme. [1] The news today is focused more on entertaining to keep the public’s short attention to achieve their desired amount of views. Often these stories “hype” up a fear that is statistically improbable, but has had a few occurrences.

Susan says:

[1] The last two lines of this paragraph provide an effective thesis to illustrate the focus of this paper: the fact that the media often exaggerates and hypes news stories in order to increase profits.

Take note: Although this thesis statement is divided into two sentences, profs are sometimes sticklers for the one-sentence thesis.

Body paragraphs

[2] An example of the media “hype” is when the Sandy Hook shooting happened. The media focused a lot on how Adam Lanza was an introverted video game player rather than the fact he did have psychological issues his parents failed to address. After this incident my own family took away some “violent” video games from my brothers because the news was trying to prove there is a correlation between violent video games and crime, even though studies show there is an insufficient amount of evidence to make that connection. Stossel was explaining in his article that people don’t think abstractly about probability and this is a prime example of that. *[3]

Susan says:

[2] Pay attention to the wording in this sentence. It begins with “An example…” This transition is an easy way to not only link paragraphs but also signal to your readers that you’re moving from one example to the next.

Need a few more ideas for transitions? Check out 97 Transition Words for Essays You Need to Know.

Susan says:

*[3] In this paragraph, the writer helps support the thesis by using the example of how violent video games may increase violent behavior in people and how the media stresses these ideas to instill fear.

For example, Stossel brought up people’s unjustified fear for the bird flu, myself included. I was surprised that not a single person in America died of the bird flu while the common flu killed tens of thousands, yet the media was covering the influenza for months. The media depicted the bird flu could kill you at any second. I usually don’t keep up on my flu shots and that year I got my flu shot to ensure I wouldn’t die. Even though the regular flu is the more likely imminent threat, and my fear can be connected on how the media depicts the flu vs the less likely event of the bird flu. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] Again, the writer uses a specific example in this paragraph (fear of bird flu) to illustrate that the media hypes stories to create fear and increase ratings.

Stossel also brings up the topic of plane crashes vs driving a car and how the media “hypes” people’s fear of flying, when driving is even more dangerous. I am a victim of being afraid to fly because of the media. It seems like every time I have to take a plane trip the news shows a horror story on how an engine explodes mid flight or a bomb threat was made. I visit my grandparents every year who live in Florida. After 9/11 happened I told my grandparents to cancel the plane tickets they had bought because I was too scared to go on the plane. Even though 9/11 was a great tragedy, and wasn’t necessarily hyped, seeing those images as a child scared me to even step foot on a plane. To this day, whenever the plane takes off or hits some turbulence I grab onto the sides of my chair and hold on. However, the biggest offender of having non factual based fears due to the media is my mom. *[5]

My mom did not grow up in the United States so whenever she hears the media’s “prophecy of doom” she believes it. Like Stossel’s friend Nader, my mom has irrational fears because of the media. For example, I am planning to study abroad next semester and my mom tells me it is dangerous or something like the Amanda Knox case could happen to me. Even after I tell her there are hundreds of thousands of kids that study abroad each year and return safely home. However, due to that individual case my mom feels like it is a potential danger that the judiciary system in another country will not be in my favor. *[6]

Susan says:

*[5], *[6] These two paragraphs present additional examples of the media exaggerating stories (of plane crashes and being held prisoner in a foreign country).

Remember, writing an illustration essay means that you’ll need to include a number of examples (just like this essay has) to effectively illustrate that a phenomenon exists.

Writing an illustration essay means that you’ll need to include a number of examples.
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Conclusion

I was not very surprised by Stossel’s articles about how the media likes to expose us to improbable but exciting stories. However, I am a victim to not questioning the information given by the media. For example, up until I read the article I thought there really was a cancer epidemic. Moving forward, I hope to think critically and objectively about the information the media gives me. *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] Though this conclusion manages to wrap up ideas, it does need some revision.

I mentioned earlier that the writer uses the transition “for example” to effectively link paragraphs. While the transition works well in a previous paragraph, it is out of place in this short conclusion. It brings in new information that should be addressed in the body of the essay.

Also, just because wording is appropriate in one section doesn’t mean that it should be repeated many times. Variety is important too!

 On the Road to Exemplary

It can be a long, winding, and sometimes difficult road to exemplary writing, but with practice, I’m sure you’ll reach your destination.

If you’re looking for more tips to improve your writing, check out these posts:

• Passive Voice: How to Avoid This Writing Pitfall
• Avoid These 10 Common Grammar Mistakes in Your Paper
• How to Write Good Hook Sentences

Interested in getting even more help with your paper? Why not have an expert editor at Kibin review your work?

If you are, then you’re in luck. The opinion essay is the perfect way to express your opinions to the world (or at least to your professor).

Telling someone your opinion and writing an organized essay about your opinion can be two very different animals, though.

While it’s probably okay for you to ramble to get to your point when you’re hanging out with your friends, it’s certainly not a smart idea to ramble in an essay.

When writing an opinion essay, your word choices should be precise, your focus (and thesis statement) should be clear, and your arguments must be supported with strong evidence.

When writing an opinion essay, your arguments must be supported with strong evidence.
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Want to see what that looks like in practice? Check out these two opinion essay examples.

2 Opinion Essay Examples That Get to the Point

For each of the opinion essay examples below, I’ve included commentary to help you see what works well. I’ve also included revision suggestions for areas that could use a little help.

For both opinion essay examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph as a whole.

Opinion essay example #1: A Perception of My Generation’s Opinion on Voting

A Perception of My Generation’s Opinion on Voting

Introduction

[1] “Why should I vote if my vote doesn’t matter? No one pays attention to young adults anyway; they only talk to the elderly.” This was said when I asked a friend if they were going to vote. This made me think about my generation’s voice when it comes to voting. She had a point, even in school we are overlooked when it comes to a certain issue/problem. People will believe an adult in their 30’s way before an 18 year old, and that is not right in my opinion. [2] Young adults avoid voting because the political party is not engaging them, taking them seriously, and as a whole we are just not informed enough on the issues to vote. If each political party had speeches that were geared equally toward young people as it is geared toward the elderly then I believe that young people would vote and become more involved. *[3] 

Susan says:

[1] In the introduction, the writer uses a quote from a friend as an effective strategy to grab the reader’s attention.

Need help with hook sentences? Read What Is a Hook Sentence? (Infographic).

Susan says:

[2] The last two lines of this paragraph provide a strong thesis statement that explains the focus of the essay: the opinion that political parties need to connect with younger people in order to get those under 30 involved in politics.

Susan says:

*[3] The writer also uses first person in this essay. Check with your prof (and the assignment guidelines) to see if you’re allowed to use first person in your opinion essay.

Body paragraphs

[4] My generation is overlooked, ignored, and mocked for our opinions. In the story Different Experiences of Young Adults and Other Adults in Mediated Campaigns a girl by the name of Alexandra Trustman had an intellectual question to ask at the Democratic Presidential debate but the producer didn’t like it. He dumbed down her question and had her ask if the democrats running preferred Mac’s or PC’s. Many adults judged her superficial question; her voice was manipulated by the producer of CNN, and her character was mocked. This is one of many instances where a young person, who was interested in politics, was overlooked because of their age; this would have never happened if she was 50 or 60 years old. Many times in a candidate’s speech they address the problems with issues that affect middle aged people and up. *[5]

Susan says:

[4] This sentence is short but powerful. Using a variety of longer and shorter sentences is an excellent strategy to keep people reading and create a cohesive essay.

Want to learn more about sentence variety? Read How to Improve Sentence Variety in Your Essays (and Why You Should Care).

Susan says:

*[5] Here, the writer effectively uses an example from a source to support the opinion that older adults simply don’t take younger people seriously.

Take note: This paragraph mentions a source but forgets a proper in-text citation.

Read more about proper citation styles in The Stress-Free Guide to APA Essay Format and The Stress-Free Guide to MLA Essay Format (8th Edition).

Another big reason young people don’t vote is simply because they aren’t informed, they don’t feel they should vote if they don’t completely understand the issues. I recall we did an activity with the three readings we were given in groups and my group specifically was wondering what would get the youth attention the most. One thing we noticed is that no one wanted to participate in neither polls that told who they were voting for nor online discussions about politics. When talking about this in class I learned that people don’t want to get judged or attacked for what they think or who they are voting for. A student said, “I would never start a political conversation with someone online, people sometimes like to force their viewpoint on you and make you feel stupid. They would rather make you feel bad instead of educating you on the issues.” Politics is one of few topics that can spark heated discussions and cause more problems than solutions. People don’t feel as if they should vote if they don’t fully understand the issues, it could end up causing more harm to the world than good. If young adults are going to vote they should thoroughly look into what they are voting for or who they are voting for, this will end up getting the world closer to the better world we strive to have. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] In this paragraph, the writer successfully uses a personal example to help support the paper’s thesis.

In Political Peril: Why Millennials don’t Vote it says “Millennials are stuck in a cyclical blame game: They don’t vote because candidates don’t engage them, but candidates don’t engage them because they don’t vote.” I don’t agree with candidates not engaging us because we don’t vote; however, I do agree that there will never be as many young adults to vote as older adults but the number of young adults voting can increase drastically. A prime example of this is the McCain vs Obama 2008 debate. Obama’s main strategy was to make everyone know that their vote mattered and that their voices would be heard. He utilized social media such as Twitter and Facebook to get in contact It was recorded in the Political Peril that the demographic reached a 30 year high during this election with 44.3% of the young people voting compared to the on average 20-23% of young adults who vote any other time. After this election the numbers went back down which shows that the young people felt no longer engaged or needed. So how exactly do you get the vote back up to the 44.3% it was in 2008 or higher? *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] The writer uses another example and source in this paragraph to support the thesis.

This time, however, the writer focuses more on how politicians have successfully engaged younger voters, attempting to illustrate that it is possible to attract and engage young people.

We first start off with what Obama did and utilize social media such as: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. We should ask young adults what issues concern them and what changes they would like to see in the future. We should ask them what they look for when deciding to pick a president (such as the characteristics they want someone who is running the country to have). We could use hashtags such as #futurepresident or #_____forpresident to make sure the candidate sees them and have someone take pictures/snapchats of him or her reading them to show that he or she is really concerned about the young people’s voice.

Conclusion

In a study called Digitally Savvy Citizenship it was shown that young adults looked for, read, and watched content online about politics. So possibly have political articles pop up in people’s newsfeed during the beginning of people deciding to run for president up until the president is chosen. Online articles, a section of the college newspaper that focus on politics, or even classes where you watch the debate and have discussions about it I feel will be very effective in catching people’s attention. One of the democratic debates was on TV and you could go to this one room in Alter Hall, I believe, and watched it, a lot of people came out to it and learned a lot. Not only do you learn who all is running you also learn where everyone stance is on issues or at least how they address certain questions. I attended and actually learned a lot about the intentions of our candidates, seeing their campaign commercials is one thing but actually hearing them talk is completely different. Your whole entire thought process of who you were going to vote for could change just based off of how the handle questions whether they directly answer them to the best of their ability or they avoid the question all together just talking around it. Overall I believe if these slight changes are made, slowly but surely we could make a huge difference in the world. *[8]

Susan says:

*[8] The final paragraph of the essay includes additional suggestions as to how politicians can engage young voters.

While the suggestions do work well to help support the writer’s opinion, this paper is missing an effective conclusion as this writer includes only one final line at the end of the paragraph to close the essay.

The writer should keep this paragraph as a body paragraph and develop a separate paragraph to wrap up the essay.

Stuck on Your Essay?

Check out thousands of example essays.

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Opinion essay example #2: Opinion on Tattoos

Opinion on Tattoos

Introduction

Snakes, grim reapers, skull-and-bones, and hearts; these are just a few examples of the many icons those with ink bounded to their skin forever. Tattoos, lasting ink images sealed forever on a person’s body, are used to symbolize the characteristics of the wearer or its allegiance to a group/society/idea. Those with skin united with the illustrations of instilled ink can indeed convey their thoughts, beliefs, and whatnot through tattoos they hold sacred. However, it is this expression that can attract both positive and negative responses. Wearing apparel or accessories that promote or express one’s beliefs or ideas is commonly acceptable, but to deviate as far as getting a tattoo may not always be the best option. Not only that, but once obtained, one can sometimes feel regretful of the choice they have made, but the scars of tattoos never fade. [1] Tattoos should not be used to adorn one’s skin because they can provoke negative attention to oneself, promote future regret, and enhance the need to fit in a particular group. *[2]

Susan says:

[1] The final sentence in the introduction provides the classic three-part thesis statement.

It states the focus of the paper and provides three examples as support (which will be the three main body paragraphs of the paper).

Susan says:

*[2] In the opening paragraph overall, the writer uses examples of tattoos and provides readers with reasons that people get tattoos. This opening strategy serves the purpose but isn’t very engaging.

The writer could write a more compelling opening by creating a more vivid image of a shocking tattoo, such as a giant spider crawling up a person’s neck.

The writer might also share a person’s story of why the person decided to get a tattoo.

For instance, someone might get a tattoo to honor a loved one or may have gotten a tattoo on a whim during a late-night party.

Body paragraphs

[3] Imagine wearing a T-shirt with a suggestive logo. Agreeing with the message on the shirt or not, other people will assume you believe whatever topic is on your T-shirt; and may not approve if the message is disagreeable. They may try to avoid you, or even send you an unpleasant vibe. Likewise, a tattoo often holds an idea, free to express itself to the public. However, you can take off a T-shirt, but a tattoo is extremely difficult—if impossible—to remove it. If you are left with a tattoo that is offensive to some people, although you do not think so, you could be isolating yourself from others who do not appreciate your tattoo, which may include your own family or intimate partner. For example, an interviewee recalls an experience with her boyfriend, “…he didn’t want his parents to know that I had a tattoo…He let me know he didn’t like it..he would prefer that I didn’t have it…” (Marks of Mischief 98). Having a tattoo may be awkward for an intimate partner or family member to accept, especially with the stereotype that tattoos belong to hardcore bikers. And although you may find your tattoo acceptable, knowing that your own family and friends do not can hurt. *[4]

Susan says:

[3] Here, the writer provides the first example to support his/her opinion by comparing negative attention from tattoos to negative attention from clothing.

While this is a good strategy, the writer should continue the discussion by providing additional examples to help readers see how appearances may draw unwanted negative attention in other situations.

Susan says:

*[4] This paragraph provides another piece of evidence to support the writer’s opinion: the fact that people may regret getting a tattoo.

Again, the writer uses an effective example, but this paragraph could be strengthened through the use of additional examples.

The writer might consider other ways in which friends, family members, or significant others may not approve of tattoos.

Although the idea of tattoos tied to bikers is a stereotype by all means, that does not disprove it. Bikers often wear tattoos to show allegiance to a clan or a gang. An interviewee reminisces why she got a tattoo, “I got a tattoo…so it gets me accepted more into that community [of bikers]…The typical biker would tell you that you almost have to have tattoos to be part of the group” (96). The interviewee does imply that tattoos are essential to being a part of a biker group. However, why should one sacrifice their skin to be a part of a group. Getting a tattoo for that purpose can seem like hazing. Having tattoos should not “mark” you as a part of some group. On the flipside, what if you get a tattoo that represents a group that you do not consent with. You will be posed as a member of that group by the outside, even if that was not your intention. Tattoos can lead to misassumptions to loyalty of groups or to “marking” to join a group. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] The example in this paragraph of getting a tattoo to help illustrate membership to a biker group works well, but again, the paragraph would be strengthened by adding additional examples.

The writer might discuss other groups (besides bikers) who encourage members to get tattoos.

The greatest thing of tattoos is regret. Unfavorable designs, location, quality, effect, and the initial step of getting a tattoo could be the roots of one’s regret. And although there are procedures to “undo” a tattoo, they can be risky and/or ineffective. Wearing a undesired tattoo can often cause grief in which it may cause the two reasons above. Regret is the most formidable thing standing between someone and their “ideal’ tattoo. The risk involved in getting a tattoo may not be necessarily placed it on you, but the permanence that will stay with you forever. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] This paragraph discusses a person’s regret in getting a tattoo. While the writer lists a few reasons a person may regret a tattoo, the discussion is quite brief.

The writer might include an example of a person who got a tattoo and regretted it for one of the reasons listed in the paragraph.

If this writer is allowed to use research sources, he/she might also find a statistic to illustrate what percentage of people actually regret getting a tattoo.

Conclusion

Overall, tattoos are not the way to go to expressing uniqueness and individuality. Yearning to be “different” from other people can be easily solved by wearing different attire other than tattoos. Why risk the permanence of a tattoo to express a belief when you can do the same with a T-shirt or other apparel. At least you can take it off, while tattoos may last a lifetime. The application of a tattoo comes with its pros and cons, but to hold on to possible regret and feelings of alienation by disapproving family/friends may outweigh the joy of showing off your “uniqueness.” *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] This paragraph gets the job done, summarizes the key points of the paper, and stresses, again, the writer’s opinion of why people should not get tattoos.

For more examples of good conclusions, read 12 Essay Conclusion Examples to Help You Finish Strong.

Ready to Share Your Opinion?

Even if you’re one of those people with an opinion on everything, that doesn’t necessarily mean you feel prepared to write an opinion essay, even after reading the two opinion essay examples above.

Ultimately, you can’t hide from the fact that you need to write that paper, so face your fears and start writing.

If you need a little help getting organized, check out these blog posts:

• 6 Prewriting Strategies to Get Your Essay Rolling
• 7 Essay Outline Templates to Get Your Essay Going

Want an expert opinion on your opinion essay? Kibin editors are always ready to help.

Sound familiar? Something so seemingly simple becomes deceptively complex.

The same is true for a short essay. It seems easy to type up a few hundred words and whip up a clever essay in no time flat.

But as you may have guessed, it’s not that simple. Because you only have a short space, you need to be careful with your word choices AND make sure you fit in everything you have to say in just a few pages.

If you’re wondering how to accomplish such a task, you might first want to check out How to Write a Short Essay That Stands Above the Rest.

Next, you should (of course) read the two short essay examples that follow.

2 Short Essay Examples That Are Easy to Digest

Here are two short essay examples to help you see what the finished product looks like. I’ve also made a few comments within the essays to help you see what works and what doesn’t work in a short essay.

For both short essay examples, my commentary is below each paragraph (or paragraphs, in some cases).

Short Essay Example #1: A Study on McDonald’s Adopting an Environmentally Friendly Business Model

A Study on McDonald’s Adopting an Environmentally Friendly Business Model

Introduction

Protecting the environment is very important to many people today. They are concerned with making sure that people treat the earth right through actions like creating less pollution and recycling. They are also concerned with how the way a business operates may affect the environment.

Susan says:

While the introduction above serves its purpose—to introduce the topic—it isn’t exactly the catchiest of openings. The writer might use a statistic or quote here to create a more interesting hook.

Read How to Write an Essay Introduction in 3 Easy Steps to learn how to write an eye-popping opener.

Body paragraphs

McDonald’s is well aware of these concerns. This is why they have set new goals for sustainability and social responsibility for the business by 2020. Some of their goals include increasing in-restaurant recycling by 50%, serving 100% more fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy or whole grains in nine of its top markets, supporting sustainable beef production, and purchasing 100% fiber based packaging from either certified or recycled sources.

Susan says: 

The above paragraph is concise and to the point. It introduces readers to the focus: McDonald’s.

It also provides a list of strategies the business is implementing in order to be more sustainable and socially responsible.

If you’re writing a short essay and need to provide readers with a quick list of items or statistics, you might write in paragraph form or try adding bullets (if they’re appropriate for your essay) to draw attention to information.

Adopting this new business model involves a cost for McDonald’s. Their overall business is based on being able to create cheap food that is cheaply produced, and these new goals that they have set are likely to make the cheap food go up in price because it will not be as easily cheaply produced. This may deter a few of their customers who are used to the extremely cheap prices.

McDonald’s is also able to economize through this decision. They know that their millennial customer is increasingly attracted to businesses that practice sustainable business habits. By changing their business model to reflect these views, they will most likely attract more customers into their restaurants and increase their profits.

Susan says:

The two paragraphs above focus on a business model and McDonald’s goal of maintaining profits and attracting customers.

Notice how the writer uses short, specific topic sentences to focus each paragraph.

Using these short topic sentences is the perfect strategy for a short essay. They help the reader quickly understand the paragraph without reading the entire section.

Using short topic sentences in short essays helps readers quickly understand paragraphs.
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This new business model offers incentives for McDonald’s customers. Their customers who are concerned with the environment will see this move as a good thing and will probably go to McDonald’s more often because the restaurant reflects their views and they feel as if their voices are being heard.

As there is an increasingly bigger amount of emphasis on sustainability and protecting the environment, more businesses are likely to follow in McDonald’s footsteps. These other businesses will also want a share in the success of McDonald’s and claim some of their customers back that they may have lost because having a business model of being sustainable was not a top priority to them.

Susan says:

The two paragraphs above focus on attracting and maintaining customers through the company’s business model of being socially aware.

While the structure of both of these paragraphs works well, the writer could revise to use more specific and impactful word choices.

For instance, the paragraph states, “…customers…will see this move as a good thing…” The words “good” and “thing” aren’t exactly the most concise choices.

The writer might instead replace these with something more concise like this: “…customers…will see this as a positive step toward sustainability …”

Looking for help choosing the perfect words for your short essay? Check out The Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Word Choice for Your Essay.

McDonald’s is able to create wealth through voluntary trade. Although the cost of this new model may seem like it would be detrimental and cost a lot up front in comparison with McDonald’s old business model, the company knows that in the long run it will pay off. With an increase in customers who find protecting the earth to be important to the restaurants, McDonald’s profits will sharply increase. The consequence of this decision lies in the future. Customers are more likely to go to a business that they feel matches their views. More businesses will try and follow McDonald’s lead to make their restaurants more sustainable in order to attract these types of customers.

Susan says:

The above paragraph serves as a brief counterargument as it explains why, even though the new business model might seem counter-productive, it will actually benefit McDonald’s.

Want to learn more about arguments and counterarguments, take a look at this argument infographic.

Conclusion

The author’s view that this decision is a good thing for McDonald’s is correct. With an increasingly large focus on protecting the environment, more people will realize the importance of what McDonald’s is trying to do. This will lead to an even bigger increase in customers, in addition to the millennial customers that will already flock to the restaurant. In this case, the food that McDonald’s produces would be considered a pure private good because its use by one person lowers the quantity available to someone else (rival) and it is possible to prevent someone from enjoying its benefits (excludable). In the future, businesses are likely to try to become more sustainable for the sake of staying profitable as this becomes more important of an issue to an increasingly large amount of their customers.

Susan says:

The final paragraph of this short essay works well to sum up key ideas and the author’s viewpoint.

Learn more about effective conclusions by reading How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.

Stuck on Your Essay?

Check out thousands of example essays.

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Short Essay Example #2: Intelligent Characters in the Media

Intelligent Characters in the Media

Introduction

The incredible thing about television is that characters have the potential to be represented in a million different ways. Unfortunately, producers tend to stick to the same few archetypes and tropes. Nearly every show about high schoolers includes a tough jock or a rebellious bad boy. As such, it is no surprise that television follows a few patterns and stereotypes when it comes to portraying intelligence.

Susan says: 

The writer of this essay might spice things up a bit with a more interesting opening.

But for the most part, the intro provides a clear thesis statement that explains that television producers stick to the same stereotypes when portraying intelligent teens.

Also notice that the opening paragraph is short. While longer essays might develop a detailed and meandering opening, a short essay introduction needs to be brief and concise.

Quick Tip: Concise wording is important throughout your short essay, so cut any words that aren’t necessary.

Check out Why Eliminating Wordiness Is So Important for Your Essay for help with writing concisely.

While longer essays might develop a detailed and meandering opening, a short essay introduction needs to be brief and concise.

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Long essays might have detailed, meandering openings, but short essays need a brief, concise intro.
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Body paragraphs

One of the most obvious and frankly painful depictions of intelligence is the socially awkward genius. In spite of their high IQs and brilliant minds, these characters have trouble understanding jokes and other social cues. Dr. Temperance Brennan from the show Bones is a perfect example. Although she is a leading authority in the field of forensic anthropology, a key catchphrase of hers is “I don’t know what that means” when faced with simple references to Hannibal Lecter, The Blair Witch Project, and Star Trek. Nearly every character in The Big Bang Theory acts this way, too. Most of the show’s humor comes from the contrast between the awkwardness of the brilliant physicists like Sheldon and Leonard and the “normal” people like Penny, the waitress who lives across the hall. The blatant awkwardness portrayed by these characters is likely an attempt by the shows’ writers to give the geniuses a noticeable flaw to ensure that their characters aren’t infallible.

Susan says:

In the above paragraph, the writer uses several key examples to support the thesis statement and describe the socially awkward genius.

Remember, including sufficient support is crucial to any successful essay.

If you’re not sure what types of support to include in your paper, read 3 Types of Essay Support That Prove You Know Your Stuff.

Another kind of intelligent character is the one whose abilities are limited to helping the protagonist. For example, in the show Arrow, Felicity Smoak is a computer whiz who worked as an IT girl for superhero Oliver Queen’s company before joining “Team Arrow” as a hacker. She could do anything from finding shortcuts during a car chase to sending a greedy criminal’s illegally-earned income to a charity as a twisted form of blackmail — all from the comfort of her computer screen. However, when she wasn’t busy saving the world, she was reduced to little more than Oliver Queen’s love interest. She was only a minor character in the comic book series that the show was adapted from, but when she became a regular on the show, the writers scrambled for ideas to keep her character interesting. She quickly turned into another ditzy blonde who couldn’t string together two sentences in front of Oliver without there being an unintentional innuendo. Despite her intelligence, Felicity Smoak has been underutilized as a character, and her knowledge is only ever highlighted when it comes in handy to the plot.

Susan says:

The above paragraph includes one example of the character type who is only present to assist the protagonist.

Because this is a short essay with limited available space, the writer might consider shortening the description of Felicity Smoak in order to include an additional example.

The final type of smart character is the one that is constantly picked on. In a high school scenario, it’s the nerdy kid who gets shoved into lockers and made fun of. The show Glee created an entire series based on this idea. The kids who joined the glee club were either outcasts like Rachel Berry, who strived for perfection in every way, or they were using the club for an ulterior motive. The gorgeous, popular cheerleaders were pressured into joining by their meddling coach, and the football players were offered a better grade. They weren’t the ones being made fun of; it was the unpopular kids who got stuffed into dumpsters or had slushies thrown in their faces. Even after the club won awards and competitions, it was still met with resentment from the majority of the student body. Although the audience wanted the students in the glee club to succeed, the prevailing theme throughout the show was that the kids who were smart and hard-working were not the ones who were cool and popular.

Susan says: 

The above paragraph, like the previous one, is effective in its descriptions, but only one television show is profiled. Adding another example would create a stronger argument.

Conclusion

The fact is, smart people aren’t as unique as television makes them out to be. They should not be marveled at like zoo animals or be used as an easy target. Additionally, the characters who are presented in the media shouldn’t have their intelligence be their defining characteristic. Although television has come a long way in normalizing intelligence, there is still more ground to be gained in creating characters that are complex and interesting — not just smart.

Susan says:

The concluding paragraph wraps up key ideas nicely and uses specific word choices (such as “marveled at like zoo animals” and “defining characteristics”) to create engaging writing.

The Long and Short of It

Short essays are like almost any other type of academic essay. You need an introduction, body, and conclusion. You need a clear focus and evidence to support your claims.

(And of course, sometimes you think you can write essays in an hour, but they take a heck of a lot longer to write!)

The big difference between a longer essay and a short essay is just that—the length. Writing a short essay means you need to write concisely in order to pack everything you need to say into a brief paper.

If you’re still struggling with fitting your ideas into a brief piece of writing, here are two more short essay examples:

• A Short Essay on the Works and Writing Style of Edgar Allan Poe
• A Short Essay on the Insanity of Hamlet

Looking for a bit of advice on how to make your short essay stand out? Send your paper to a Kibin editor for feedback.

As you probably know, writing a project report means that you need to do three key things:

• Review the literature about your topic
• Report the results of your project
• Discuss your conclusions and recommendations

That’s a lot of detail to fit into one report.

If you need a refresher on the finer points of a project report, check out What Is a Project Report and How Do You Write One?

If you have a sense of what you should include but are struggling with how to turn your ideas into a project report, this post with project report examples can help.

I’ve included portions of project report examples to help you see what sections of a project report might look like. (I’ve also included links to each if you want to read the complete report.)

2 Project Report Examples That Get the Job Done

For both project report examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph(s) as a whole.

In the first example, I’ve posted the abstract, introduction, and conclusion, with comments to help you see the strengths of these sections and areas that might need revision.

Project report example #1: Evaluation of Healthcare Utilization in Patients with Metabolic Syndrome

Evaluation of Healthcare Utilization in Patients with Metabolic Syndrome

Abstract

Metabolic Syndrome is a cluster of cardio-metabolic risk factors, including obesity, hyperglycemia, dyslipidaemia and hypertension, and has been linked with elevated risk of developing Cardiovascular Disease and Type 2 Diabetes. It is estimated that approximately 39% of the US adult population meets the criteria for Metabolic Syndrome. The aim of this project was to evaluate the role of positive diagnosis of Metabolic Syndrome on Healthcare Utilization specifically on the annual number of hospitalizations and doctor office visits. Data on 16,632 subjects was extracted from the Third National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey dataset and used for analysis. It was concluded from Multivariate Multiple Regression model that the number of hospitalizations and doctor’s office visits is significantly higher in subjects with Metabolic Syndrome accounting for differences in age, race and gender. It was also seen that the variables selected for analysis accounted for a very small percentage of the variance in number of hospitalizations and doctor office visits. It was hence concluded that further work was required to evaluate the influence of Metabolic Syndrome on healthcare utilization while accounting for these unknown factors. *[1]

Susan says:

*[1] The writer does an excellent job writing a clear, concise abstract that summarizes the project, its goals, the results, and future implications.

(Read: 10 Good Abstract Examples That Will Kickstart Your Brain.)

Though the report uses phrases that may not be common to the general reader, the writer clearly has a sense of audience.

(Read: How Writing for an Audience Makes Your Essay Better.)

The writer also understands that readers of this project report will be familiar with the word choices.

(Read: The Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Word Choice for Your Essay.)

Introduction

[2] Metabolic Syndrome (MetS) is a cluster of cardio-metabolic risk factors that has shown to significantly increase the risk of developing Cardiovascular Disease (CVD) and Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus (T2DM). Risk factors include abdominal obesity, hyperglycemia (elevated blood glucose), dyslipidaemia (abnormal blood lipid levels) and hypertension (elevated blood pressure). It is estimated that 2500 Americans die from CVD each day with costs related to CVD approximating to $403 billion annually. Studies have shown that having MetS doubles the risk of developing CVD and increases the risk of developing T2DM by a factor of seven. A study in 2005 estimated that approximately 39% of the US adult population meets the criteria for Metabolic Syndrome. [3] The aim for this project was to compare Healthcare Utilization trends in patients with and without MetS. Healthcare utilization is defined as the level of usage of medical services and can be measured using variables such as Number of Hospitalizations, Number of Emergency Room Visits, Number of Doctors Office Visits, etc. Since MetS is associated with several co-morbidities, it is conceivable that it can lead to higher healthcare utilization.

Susan says:

[2] The opening of this introduction successfully provides background information to help readers understand the topic of risk factors related to metabolic syndrome (MetS). It also illustrates a need for studying risk factors as related to healthcare costs.

(Read: How to Write an Essay Introduction in 3 Easy Steps.)

Susan says:

[3] Here, the writer clearly identifies the goals of the project and presents an effective hypothesis: those with MetS will likely use more healthcare services.

(Read: How to Write a Hypothesis for a Badass Research Paper.)

Conclusion

[4] Statistical analysis has led to the acceptance of both alternative hypotheses. A positive diagnosis of Metabolic Syndrome leads to higher number of Hospitalizations and doctor;s office visits. However, it was also evident that the variables used to create the model accounted for a very small percentage of the variance and that there exist unknown factors which influence healthcare utilization. A limitation of the study was that only two variables pertinent to Healthcare Utilization were readily available. Additional work is required to test the effect of Metabolic Syndrome with a more detailed definition of Healthcare Utilization. [5] The study of Healthcare Utilization is important in addition to traditional healthcare outcomes to appropriately gauge the effect of Metabolic Syndrome. This study, while not extensive in its exploration of Healthcare Utilization, lays the foundation for future work in this area.

Susan says:

[4] The first part of the conclusion nicely wraps up the process used in this project and reiterates the hypothesis.

(Read: How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.)

Also notice that the writer acknowledges the limitations of the study. It’s important to keep in mind the limitations of your own study and realize that additional variables may impact results.

Susan says:

[5] The final lines of the conclusion explain that, although this study was not extensive, it is a start and will be useful for future research in the area.

This conclusion is effective because it helps readers understand not only the purpose of the study but also how the study fits into the larger scope of research in this area.

Stuck on Your Essay?

Check out thousands of example essays.

Yes! Show me examples.

Project report example #2: A Project Evaluation Report on TECH Ltd

In the second example, I’ve posted the discussion and conclusion sections. I’ve also included comments regarding the strengths and areas in need of improvement.

A Project Evaluation Report on TECH Ltd

Discussion

[1] When we first studied Belbin’s team roles it was easy to assume that it would be more fruitful to have a group that has a lot of innovators. [2] This giving way to the assumption that this will create a group atmosphere where there are a lot of ideas created and would thus lead to a better project. It has become more apparent in our group projects since then that you need to have a lot of differing personalities that can take on these roles in the group. It is apparent in life that your strength could be another person’s weakness. In our group I could see that we were always working to each other’s strengths.

Susan says:

[1] This project report uses first person (“we”). Check with your professor to see if you’re allowed to write in first person or if your entire report should be written in third person.

(Read: Why Third-Person Writing Is Critical to a Great Essay.)

Susan says:

[2] While this section of the discussion explains the group dynamics, it would be strengthened by including additional specifics.

The writer might, for instance, explain the types of personalities in the group and explain the various strengths and weaknesses.

Adding this type of information would allow readers to understand how the group dynamics may have affected the project.

There were many problems that we came across, especially with attendance to group meetings due to clashes with classes as some our group were based on a different campus of the university. These problems did arise very regularly and it was sometimes extremely difficult to even arrange a meeting with our tutor to present our progress. We did at some points not make any positive progress in more than a week because of these difficulties. The way we solved these problems was to make sure that we did not lose contact with the group. There would always be e-mails from our secretary to remind us of our next meeting or a phone call to make sure we remained focused on the task. *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] Remember, not all projects go as planned. It’s important to stay objective and discuss not only the successes of your project but also any problems.

Here, the writer discusses the problems that occurred within the group and briefly explains how the problems were solved.

Although we did have many minor disagreements it was always decided that the chairperson’s decision was final. This worked well as we had all come to a joint decision on who the chairperson should be. By the end of each meeting we always resolved any disagreements the team had. There was never a time any disputed issue was carried over to the next meeting. *[4]

This whole project will without a doubt stand us in good stead for all future group work at university level. I can also envision that it will be great help in any future employment in our field as we were thrust into the deep end of producing this database formally in a time scale suited to the specific needs of the company that employed us. There will be many valuable lessons that each individual will take away from this project. We have learned to communicate and help and encourage other group members. We have seen how an extensive project like this one can be broken down into small bursts of hard work. Sometimes it was not always easy to see that we were heading in the right direction, as the overall project did not come together till the last few weeks. But as with everything, the hard work has lead to a very satisfactory conclusion to our project. *[5]

Susan says:

*[4], *[5] In these two paragraphs of the discussion, the writer focuses again on resolving problems but also discusses the results of the project.

Working successfully in a group was part of the learning process here, and the writer discusses that the group learned how to work well together on such a large project.

In this case, the writer is able to report essentially only positive results. Keep in mind that there may be times when you need to report that your results were not as expected.

Conclusion

If we had the chance to take upon this same coursework again using the same team I am sure that everyone in the group would not change our overall approach. We certainly would not have as many problems to deal with as all the mistakes that we have made in this particular project have given us the necessary experience to improve on our team skills. Every member will have realized their strengths and weaknesses and would work to exploit each other’s strengths and hide each other’s weaknesses. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] Here, the writer wraps up the report by acknowledging what the team learned and how they might approach group projects in the future.

Though this is a good strategy, the discussion in this section is generalized. The writer might explain what “team skills” they could improve upon and how they could improve them.

The writer might also elaborate more on how the team would work together to accommodate strengths and weaknesses of team members.

Still Feeling Less Than Confident?

I know it can be more than a little stressful spending hours working on a project if you’re not even sure that you’re doing it right or whether it will make the grade. Don’t worry, though. I have more resources to help ease your mind.

Do you have a variety of charts and tables to include in your project report, but aren’t sure what the finished product might look like? If so, here’s an example report with diagrams.

The editors at Kibin can also ease your worries and make sure your project report is on the right track, so let us review your report to make sure it gets the job done.

But an observation essay isn’t just about listing what you see. In a way, it’s like narrative writing. You need to frame your observations in some type of story. You need to answer “so what?”

In other words, why are you writing the paper, and what should readers get from reading it?

Why are you writing an observation paper, and what should readers get from reading it?
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In case my three-sentence explanation didn’t clear it all up for you, here’s an article with more information about writing observation essays: The Observation Essay: How to Make More Brilliant Observations.

I’ve also included the following three things in this post to help you with your observation essay:

1. Two annotated observation essay examples to help you see how it’s done.
2. Two additional example essays for your review.
3. Links to articles with even more writing advice.

Let’s start with our annotated observation essay examples.

2 Observation Essay Examples to Watch Closely

As you read through these two observation essay examples, notice that both have a have a purpose for telling their story. In other words, the writer isn’t simply observing for the sake of observing.

There’s a point to the observation (one that the writer had in mind even before beginning the observation). The essay then frames the observation in a narrative format.

To help you see what I mean by this, I’ve included comments in both essays to highlight key sections, as well as each paper’s strengths and weaknesses.

For both observation essay examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph(s) as a whole.

Observation essay example #1: A Report on a Child Observation Project in a Preschool Class

A Report on Child Observation Project in a Preschool Class

Introduction

For this project, I observed my mother’s preschool class for three hours, and three kids that she baby-sits on weekends for three hours. Most of the kids that are in the preschool class were three years old, but there was one five year old. The kids I helped babysit were two twin three year old girls, and one five year old. *[1]

Susan says:

*[1] When writing an observation essay, consider whether you should be writing a narrative paper that tells the story of your observation or a more scientific report.

This introduction is informative and reads like a scientific report because it discusses language acquisition and other aspects of child development.

Given that, this type of introduction is appropriate.

However, some scientific papers require the use of third person, and this paper uses first person. Make sure to check your assignment guidelines before you start writing.

(Read: How to Read and Understand an Essay Assignment.)

Body paragraphs

[2] When I first arrived at the preschool, the kids seemed very shy towards me and they did not seem like they were very sociable. I was a stranger to them, and I would have to guess that all of the children were experiencing a little bit of stranger anxiety. I talked to my mother about how the children reacted at the beginning of the year when they did not know her and the parents left them there. She said that the children often would cry and become very uneasy. I believe that these would be signs of separation anxiety. *[3]

Susan says:

[2] Most observation essays will detail events in chronological order. Here, the writer starts with the initial meeting of the children.

Even if they’re chronological, observation essays cannot simply be a list of things you observe. You still need a purpose.

Susan says:

*[3] In this paragraph, the writer begins to explain the children’s behavior and separation anxiety.

Thus, it’s clear that this writer’s purpose is not to just observe kids for the sake of observation but to analyze their behavior based on materials studied in a specific class.

As I sat down to play with the children, I noticed one thing right away. The boys in the group were very wild and rambunctious, and the girls seemed to be shy and reserved. This would agree with what we have learned in class that boys will tend to be more outgoing, and girls will be more reserved. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] In this brief paragraph, the writer again connects the observations to information learned in class, specifically regarding the differences in behavior between the girls and boys.

In preschool class, my mother has various stuffed animals, and I also noticed that the children that I helped babysit had a lot of stuffed animals. My mother often has puppet shows and the kids love it. I noticed one child was sitting at the table having a conversation with a stuffed beaver. The two twin girls I was babysitting had a giant stuffed bee, and I would chase after them with it and sting them. This shows what the book calls animistic thinking. According to the book, this kind of thinking is the belief that inanimate objects are alive. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] The above paragraph connects the children’s behavior to animistic thinking using the example of the children’s play with stuffed animals.

(Read: 3 Types of Essay Support That Prove You Know Your Stuff.)

Another form of animistic thinking would be when my mother told a story about a leprechaun. When my mother asked where leprechauns lived, one child replied that, and I quote, “leprechauns live in the grass and run around from tree to tree, they are itsy bitsy and very hard to see.” These children believed that these creatures were real, but they just could not see them. But, the fun with the leprechauns had just begun. To test the children’s belief in the unrealistic, I had my mother and the kids make little pots, and then I had my mother tell all of the kids that if they were good, the leprechaun would leave them gold in their pot. While these kids were eating their snacks, I left and put gold candy in their pots, and then waited for their reactions and comments when they came back to see what had happened. I wish I could have recorded their reactions because some of them were hilarious. I noticed that one child jumped around and screamed that “he was here, he was here,” and another child was looking around the room trying to find the leprechaun. Overall, I found that my animistic thinking project worked well. To conclude my observations on animistic thinking, I found that most of the kids seemed to have beliefs based on what they sensed to be true, rather than on what would be logic or rational. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] Here, the writer includes a more detailed discussion of observations to explain the concept of animistic thinking.

For the most part, the writer relies on visual observations, such as “one child jumped around and screamed” and “another child was looking around the room.”

The writer also includes some auditory observations through the use of children’s quotes, such as “he was here, he was here.”

Remember to include a variety of senses in your paper. Don’t simply rely on what you see.

[7] Language development between the three-year-old kids, and the five-year-old kids was amazing. There were some grammatical morpheme problems that I picked up on throughout my stay at the preschool and when I was baby-sitting the other girls. I did not notice many mistakes by the five-year-old girl, in fact she was very good with sentence structure and words. But, I did notice a lot of the three year old kids struggled with prepositions, suffixes, and prefixes. I few sentences I heard were, “he sitted down on me,” or “she hitted me with the beaver.” As you can see, the children are learning that they need to add the “ed” to the end of some words, but they do not know when it is and when it is not appropriate to do it yet. *[8]

Susan says:

[7] Here, the writer might say something like “In addition…” at the beginning of the sentence to provide a smoother transition between paragraphs.

(Read: 97 Transition Words for Essays You Need to Know.)

Also, the use of “amazing” is problematic because it’s a subjective term. Instead, something more objective would make this a stronger statement.

Susan says:

*[8] This paragraph begins a discussion of language development, and while the paragraph is missing a transition to smoothly link ideas between paragraphs, it does transition well between sentences within the paragraph.

[9] I noticed a lot of imitation in the children at the preschool. I guess I was an adult model for some of the children. I noticed that one child followed me around the room one time when I went to go to the bathroom. He did not go into the bathroom, but I did notice that everything I did when I walked back to the room, he did. Why do kids do that? The girls I babysat for played an annoying game on me one time. Just try to imagine two three-year-old twin girls repeating everything I said. I guess that would be a form of imitation. I also noticed imitation between the kids themselves. The naughty boys in the preschool seemed to almost copy each other when they would cause trouble. If one was standing on his chair, the other would stand on his chair. And, if one was playing in a certain area, then the other one would go to that area to play. The girls often imitated one another also. I noticed that one little girl went to go play with the dolls, and sure enough, most of the other girls went along to play with the dolls with her. In conclusion to imitation, I would imagine that imitation is a great way for children to learn about the world, and is often a sociable test to see how far that they can stretch the rules. I noticed that when a model is present, imitation is likely to take place. *[10]

Susan says:

[9] Again, the above paragraph is missing a transition as it begins a discussion of a new topic. This sentence serves as a good topic sentence for the paragraph, however.

(Read: Here Is the Right Way and the Wrong Way to Write Topic Sentences.)

Susan says:

*[10] At the end of the paragraph, the writer asserts a conclusion based on observations of children’s imitation, stating that imitation is likely to take place when a model is present.

This is an effective strategy as the writer is not simply describing what occurs in the classroom but is demonstrating critical thinking through analysis of the children’s behavior.

I spent a great deal of time watching how the children in the preschool played, and when I was baby-sitting, I did more playing than watching. In the book, play is described as “pleasurable activity engaged for its own sake.” I noticed that there was some parallel play. An example I found was when two boys were playing with Lego’s. The boys did not participate directly with one another, but they played alongside each other and other children while they were enjoying their Lego’s. There was some associative play, but I saw more of this in the girls. Some of the girls were playing with Barbie’s, and were having their own little soap opera going on. The girls were demonstrating associative play because they were playing and sharing with each other. I had the chance to participate in cooperative play when we played “duck, duck, goose!” Come on, you know the game. Well, I was pretty good at the game so they made me crawl on my knees. But, this showed cooperative play because the children were involved in structured games that involved rules. When I was baby-sitting, I was involved in some fantasy play. The twin three-year-old girls told me that I was the daddy, and one was the mommy, and the other was the kid, and the giant stuffed bee was also a kid. We played in a little area with toy stoves and washing machines and stuff. This is an example of fantasy play because these young girls believed that things were different than they really were.The last thing I noticed while observing the two twin girls was that there was a little bit of sibling rivalry. They both fought constantly for my attention. *[11]

Susan says:

*[11] The above paragraph includes a discussion of parallel play, associative play, and fantasy play.

However, the writer includes only a limited analysis of each and should develop these ideas further and separate them into individual paragraphs.

(Read: Anatomy of the Perfect Essay Paragraph Structure.)

Conclusion

Overall, I enjoyed observing the children, and enjoyed playing with them. I learned a lot about what kids do, and had the chance to experience it hands on. *[12]

Susan says:

*[12] The concluding paragraph is two sentences long and lacks development.

The writer should provide more information to wrap up the observations and conclusions about the children’s behavior.

(Read: How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.)

Observation essay example #2: An Observation Experiment at the Agriculture and Food Fair: People Using the Event to Making a Fashion Statement

Introduction

[1] The place I observed is the Agriculture and Food Fair on February 13 and February 15 at 2 pm on both days. [2] Every February, St. Croix hosts the largest agricultural festival at Rudolph Shulterbrandt Agricultural Complex in Estate Lower Love. I observed the Agriculture Food Fair because all I heard about Fair was that it is a fashion show and everyone is dressed to impress.  I mainly examined the entrance and the park. Being that I attended fair almost every year, I expected to see everyone dressed up but still see casual dressing. I argue that some locals on Saint Croix attend the Agriculture Fair just to make a fashion statement or appearance.

Susan says:

[1] This opening line is informative and appropriate for a more scientific report.

If the writer wanted to write a more narrative observation essay (which this essay seems to be), he or she might try opening with a story or anecdote about the fair and its patrons (to help grab the reader’s attention).

(Read: How to Write Good Hook Sentences.)

Susan says:

[2] Including background information about the subject being observed can be a useful strategy to help readers understand the writer’s reason behind the observation.

Here, the writer explains why he or she chose to observe the fashions on display at the fair.

Body paragraphs

[3] It was a usual, hot and sunny day on the fairgrounds. The delicious aroma of the different local foods was wafting through the air as I walk towards the crowded entrance. As I entered the fairgrounds the first thing I saw was of course a swarm of people everywhere. I then leaned against the gate and observed people and their whereabouts. Some by the different food booths, some dancing by the stage enjoying themselves, the kids playing in the bouncy, and some of the elders on the trolley. The others were just standing around associating with friends and family. Standing at the top I could’ve seen a bigger crowd of people just over the bridge.  As I walked down the path it felt like I was on the runway because everyone was just standing on both sides just staring. [4] Since it was so many people to observe all at the same time, I mainly focused on four groups of people.  Group A was a group of girls that called themselves “The Chocolate Factory”, Group B was a group of boys that called themselves “Team Tru”, Families and different organizations.  As I walked through the fair there was many people that I could have chosen from but these specific groups more address my topic because they not only show the overly dressed but those that dressed simple.

Susan says:

[3] Notice that the writer observes not only the sights but the aromas of the fair too.

Including a variety of senses is an effective strategy to help readers visualize the fair.

Susan says:

[4] Here, the writer focuses the essay by identifying the various types of groups that will be observed: the overly dressed and those who dress more simply.

(Read: How to Narrow a Topic and Write a Focused Paper.)

Each year some people seems to attend the Agriculture Fair to look cute and show off their clothing more than to enjoy our culture. Some locals see Fair more like a fashion show and a place to just chill with their friends. For example, a little boy’s outfit caught my eyes. He was sitting in a stroller wearing timberlands (boots), a baby jersey and long jeans. He wasn’t even walking or playing with the other kids just sitting in the stroller looking adorable.The other children were dressed as typical children in sundresses, jeans, and a t shirt.  As I proceeded to cross the bridge I came in contact with these stunning young ladies better known as the “Chocolate Factory”. I know these young ladies from residence hall. When I first moved onto Residence Hall we all looked out for each other and decided to stick together. Of course I expected to see overly dressed individuals but these ladies took the cake! One was dressed in a cocktail dress with her back out and gladiator shoes. Another was dressed in a black and white bodycon dress with short pointed heels. The other three wore a crop top with boyfriend jeans, maxi skirt and pencil skirt. They also wore their hair in buns, box braids and curly sew-ins.  If it was a fashion show they would be slaying the runway. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] In the above paragraph, the writer describes the overly dressed patrons that appear a bit out of place at the fair.

These examples help illustrate the focus: that some people use the fair as a fashion show. They don’t visit the fair to see the culture.

Nowadays it is common to see men wearing chains, bracelets and earrings like women. But these guys that I saw overdid it with the jewelry. While I ate my Johnny cakes and chicken I observed a group of boys sitting on the bench. Two of the young men wore a white t-shirt with a khaki pants and some timberlands. The others wore a black t-shirt, dark jeans and some Jordan sneakers. The boys weren’t that bad when it came to their clothing, but what amazed me was their jewelry. Among them, they were several bracelets, long chains, and a ring on every finger. No exaggeration but almost every finger (except for the thumbs) had a ring!  Other than the jewelry, the guys were a bit simple this year. My brothers are a part of “Team Tru,” and I’ve seen them dress up before. That is why I determine that the guys dressed pretty simple this year. *[6]

Susan says:

*[6] The above paragraph describes another group of people who parade through the fair as if they are in a fashion show.

Providing a number of examples helps the writer illustrate the key purpose of the paper. The writer does a good job staying focused.

(To double-check that your own essay stays on track, read What Is a Reverse Outline and Why Should You Use One?)

The best part of the fair was seeing the family members not only stick together but some of them dressed alike.  Especially those dressed in African and madras fabrics. They was basically representing their culture through their clothing, which was awesome. A family that dresses together stays together. Kids that dress together always look cute, but when their parents dress in coordinating outfits, the final ensemble is memorable. Like my father always said, “All ah we is one,” and that’s exactly what this family portrayed to me. This one family that I focused on consist of five members. The mother wore an off the shoulder, cocktail African print dress with her natural hair flying in the wind and the father wore an African print shirt with a khaki pants and dress shoes.  The teenage daughter wore an African print romper with gladiator shoes and the younger daughter wore a thin strap African print shirt and jean skirts with jelly bean shoes.  The son wore something similar to his father except he wore Nike sneakers. They all walked with pep in their step happily down the corridor. *[7] 

On the other hand, the show can’t go on without the queens! There’s was no way that I could’ve passed them straight with their stunning dresses. As I was walking down the corridor I met with some of the contenders for Ms. UVI. They were all dressed in white dresses with a little bit of madras around their waist. They also had on some dashing heels.  Majority of them were wearing wedges and few was wearing stilettos.They also wore their sash. Some of their hair was in sew-ins and messy hair buns. *[8] 

Last but not least I visited a few organizations.  I visited Innovative booth, The University of the Virgin Islands and the National Guard. They all wore a t-shirt that represents their organization except for the National Guard. They wore their uniforms.  Otherwise there was a lot of organizations or businesses in uniform. *[9] 

Susan says:

*[7], *[8],*[9] Though the above paragraphs provide an overview of the groups of people the writer observed, the information reads much like a simple description.

The writer could improve these paragraphs by connecting them through additional discussions of how the people appear to be parading in a fashion show.

Conclusion

[10] Judging from the four groups that I observed, I can say that some people go to the fair to show their appearance and draw attention with the clothes they wear but appearance doesn’t matter to everyone. The simplest group was of course the organizations. I do feel being that they didn’t really have a choice is the reason for them dressing simple. I did learn that not everyone attends the fair to make a fashion statement but to enjoy the foods and activities provided.  But I really wanted to know “Where did guys get the money for all those rings?” and “Is it really necessary?” I even watched some of my friends spend a lot of money on one outfit just to attend the fair and wear it for one day.  Fair is already expensive so maybe if people didn’t spend so much on clothing, they could afford to try out many of the natural products, jewelry, food and local drinks from some of the vendors. *[11]

Susan says:

[10] This first sentence of the concluding paragraph wraps up the focus of the paper: the idea that people often attend the fair to simply draw attention to their clothing.

Susan says:

*[11] In the conclusion as a whole, the writer also asks a variety of questions to keep readers thinking about the subject. This use of questions is a great strategy to engage the reader.

The conclustion also ends the paper with finality, so it’s a good example of a solid conclusion.

(Read: 12 Essay Conclusion Examples to Help You Finish Strong.)

A Little Help From Your Friends

Hopefully, these observation essay examples have given you a few ideas for your own essay. But this post doesn’t stop with only two examples. Here are the other resources I promised.

Two additional observation essay examples:

• An Observation on the Characteristics of Times Square in New York City Based on Photographs
• An Observation of the Chamber Instrumental Performance at Chapman University

Three articles with more writing tips:

• Why Eliminating Wordiness Is So Important for Your Essay
• How to Revise an Essay and Make It Better Than Ever
• 3 Ways to Start an Essay on the Right Foot

Your friends at Kibin are here to do more than just observe too. Our editors will provide expert feedback to help you make your paper the best it can be.

There are, of course, times when the interview falls flat because the celebrity just doesn’t want to answer questions. But there are also times when the interview goes badly because the interviewer asks insensitive or absurd questions.

Interview fails can be hilarious if you’re watching from your living room, but if your prof falls into hysterics when reading your interview essay, suddenly it’s not so funny.

If you want to make sure your interview essay isn’t an epic fail, check out these two annotated examples to see what successful interview papers look like.

2 Interview Papers That Ask All the Right Questions

Each of these examples follows a basic interview essay format and includes a dominant impression of the person being interviewed. The dominant impression is the overall mood or effect you want to establish as a writer.

The dominant impression should be the focus of your interview paper.
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I’ve included comments throughout each paper to illustrate strengths and areas that would benefit from revision.

Looking for more help with understanding the components of an interview essay? Read How to Write an Interesting Interview Essay.

Interview Paper Example #1: An Unexpected Career: An Interview with Theresa

This interview essay doesn’t focus on a personality trait but instead highlights the professional accomplishments of the writer’s mom, Theresa.

An Unexpected Career: An Interview with Theresa

Introduction

[1] When I was a kid I grew up eating mac and cheese, frozen pizza, and hot dogs. [2] This wasn’t because my mother did not know how to cook, in fact she is an expert cook with 30 years under her belt. Theresa’s first experience with cooking was not one by choice. She worked second shift at the local truck stop as a waitress. One day the third shift cook called in and there was no one to cover the shift so she got stuck staying to cover.  Having never cooked in a restaurant before, she was beyond nervous since grumpy tired truckers were not the easiest to please.  She made it through her first night ok but it wasn’t long until they asked her to cover another shift during a bad snow storm. The restaurant got slammed and she was the only cook on. [3] Just when she was ready to give up she stepped back looked at the long line of orders and told herself “take a breath, you can only do as good as you can” and then continued to tackle the orders. *[4]

Susan says:

[1] This essay begins in first person. In most academic writing, third person is required.

Check with your instructor to see if first person is acceptable in your interview essay.

(Read: Why Third-Person Writing Is Critical to a Great Essay.)

Susan says:

[2] The opening clearly establishes that the focus of the paper will be the writer’s mother (Theresa) and will focus on her career as a cook.

(Read: How to Narrow a Topic and Write a Focused Paper.)

Susan says:

[3] Here, the writer effectively uses a direct quote from his/her mother to help readers see the interviewee’s personality.

While the quote is effective, the necessary punctuation surrounding the quote is missing, which could addressed in the revision process.

(Read: How to Revise an Essay and Make It Better Than Ever.)

Susan says:

*[4] The opening paragraph contains an example to describe Theresa’s introduction to professional cooking.

Use of these types of examples illustrates the dominant impression and shows readers more about the person you’re writing about.

However, the focus of the essay would benefit from having a stronger thesis statement.

(Read: How to Make a Thesis Statement the Easy Way (Infographic).

Body paragraphs

It was after this that Theresa started to see the change in her attitude towards cooking and began to enjoy it more. She was always setting goals for herself to reach, and once she reached them she set a higher one; “no one can ever reach their best” she said. After managing the truck stop for several years she decided to buy a restaurant in Caledonia and named it Bluff Kountry Kafe.  She took pleasure in owning and operating a restaurant but after having a fourth child, she decided that it was too much work and sold it. *[5]

Susan says:

*[5] In the above paragraph, the writer uses two examples to illustrate the first steps in Theresa’s cooking career.

The writer also integrates another quote to help illustrate Theresa’s feelings about her career.

These types of examples and quotes are essential in establishing the dominant impression.

It was not long until another cooking opportunity came along. A friend of Theresa’s was opening up a restaurant at the local American Legion Club. She was asked to be the kitchen manager since her friend knew little about it. [6] Theresa was the only cook for a while but eventually it was busy enough to hire more cooks. During this time she was able to create some of her own unique things for the menu such as the mess hall (a hash brown omelet with ham cheese onions and mushrooms), which was their best seller for breakfast. The mess hall was a hash brown omelet with ham cheese onions and mushrooms.  They served Breakfast lunch and dinner and did catering as well. Theresa enjoys cooking breakfast the most because she finds lunch to be rather boring.  On an average Sunday morning she made around 200 breakfasts. This is a small amount compared to the amount of people she has had to cater to.

Susan says:

[6] The end of this paragraph not only illustrates additional examples, but also illustrates a progression in Theresa’s career.

It highlights her successes by describing the unique menu items she created.

Theresa did not do her first catering until she worked at the Legion. She really enjoys the challenge that catering for a large group. [7] She has catered as many as 500 people at an event.  Theresa remembers her biggest catering like it was yesterday. A wedding of 500 people ordered her bacon wrapped chicken which was her secret recipe that she prides herself on. The wedding ended up have about 30 extra people. Luckily Theresa had made ten extra plates; however, that was not going to be enough to feed the other twenty. Even though this was not Theresa’s fault that more people attended the wedding, she still felt responsible for feeding them.  She quickly whipped up another batch of mashed potatoes and opened a can of green beans. She then remembered that she had made meatloaf for the lunch special the following day.  She grabbed that from the cooler and warmed it up in a matter of fifteen minutes she had enough food to serve the rest of the people. [8] Theresa no longer works at the Legion, but before she left they demanded that she give them her baked chicken, coleslaw, and bacon wrapped chicken recipes but she refused saying those recipes belong to her. They knew that those were the top selling items for catering and they would struggle without them. Theresa said she is not one to brag but the legion shut down about a year after she left because of the downgrade in quality of food.

Susan says:

[7] Here, the writer explains Theresa’s next career move and provides additional examples of her success as a caterer.

However, the writer does a lot of telling instead of showing through more vivid writing. While not a narrative essay per se, the same “show don’t tell” approach would strengthen the details here.

(Read: How to Show Don’t Tell in Your Narrative Essay.)

Susan says:

[8] The writer closes this paragraph with one final example of Theresa’s success in the catering business.

The fact that the American Legion wanted her recipes when she left illustrates Theresa’s skills as a cook and how much others value her recipes.

Conclusion

Theresa had always planned to go to school to be an accountant, but after falling into cooking she never looked back, although there are days that she wishes that she would have went on with accounting so that she would have a more stable, better paying career she still loves what she does as a cook. Theresa and her business partner are in the process of opening up their own restaurant and catering business. Along with the pay, Theresa says that another major downfall to cooking is the effects the long hours and heavy lifting has on her body.  Until her dream of owning her own kitchen again comes true, she is doing small family catering. [9] Theresa says “Every challenge that I have taken with my cooking career has led me to where I am today, which is a place I never imagined to be.” *[10]

Susan says:

[9] The final line successfully integrates another quote from Theresa to demonstrate her attitude toward her career and her outlook on life.

Susan says:

*[10] The conclusion overall sums up Theresa’s thoughts on her career, explaining that she didn’t always want to be a cook and sometimes thinks other careers might have been a better choice.

(Read: How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.)

Interview Paper Example #2: Perseverance: An Interview with a Nurse

Perseverance: An Interview with a Nurse

Introduction

[1] A child born to two high school students, Jane describes her childhood as “poor” and holds a lot of resentment toward her parents to this day. She spent much of her childhood having to fend for herself and believing that her grandparents and friends’ parents had more input on her upbringing than her own parents. “I spent like 70% of my childhood at my grandparents’ house and like 90% of that time in my grandfather’s garage and workshop.” [2] In fact, Jane attributes much of her knowledge and “handiness” to him: “I learned most of my life skills from him; from a very young age, he had me doing most things for myself.” [3] Though this was difficult for her, it did force her to become self-reliant, which has served her well later in life. *[4]

Susan says:

[1] The opening line introduces readers to Jane (the subject of the essay).

The opening line also provides readers with a glimpse into Jane’s childhood and her attitude toward her situation.

Susan says:

[2] Here, the writer includes another quote, but in this case, the wording is significant. The quote ends with “…he had me doing most things for myself.”

The main title of the essay is “Perseverance,” so the fact that Jane is doing things for herself at an early age is key to establishing her character.

Susan says:

[3] This thesis statement does a nice job of transitioning from the quote and states the dominant impression: Jane’s self-reliance.

(Read: How to Write a Thesis Statement in 5 Simple Steps.)

Susan says:

*[4] The writer uses the introduction paragraph to establish Jane’s attitude toward her parents and grandparents.

This paragraph also contains a quote explaining that Jane spent most of her time at her grandparents.

Use quotes only when the wording is particularly striking or important. In this case, the writer could have easily summarized the information in this quote.

Body paragraphs

Admittedly on the “wrong path” in her younger years, Jane struggled with who she was becoming as a person. “I was hanging out with the wrong people, making really bad choices, doing drugs,” states Jane. That is, until she met a particular high school teacher. Jane describes the teacher as a “well-educated, well-off, and very strict” person who pushed her to think about how she acted, how she could realize her potential, and what “direction to take in life” to actually realize that potential. Jane reflects, “She was really hard on me and told me about her own choices and what she had been able to accomplish, and it made me think ‘I don’t have to be this person.'” Without this influence, Jane speculates about what may have become of her: “A lot of the people I used to hang out with are dead now from the bad choices they made.” [5] Whatever her feelings, all of these influences, good and bad, led her to become the person she is today: a strong, independent, driven, compassionate, curious individual. These character traits and qualities influence every aspect of her life. *[6]

Susan says:

[5] The final two lines of this paragraph again emphasize the dominant impression and point out how Jane’s influences have made her a strong person.

This does a good job of showing how these details support the focus on perseverance.

Susan says:

*[6] This paragraph includes an example of Jane’s struggles in her early years and discusses the positive influence of one of her teachers.

Once again, though quotes can be an important component in establishing a dominant impression, this paragraph over-uses quotes.

[7] Jane describes herself as a person who is “driven, sometimes obnoxious, stubborn yet understanding, open-minded, strong, yet has a hard time saying no to people, and above all passionate about making wrong things right.” Her fiancé, Jess, describes her as an “adventurous, life-loving companion,” while her friend Teresa would use the words “determined, strong, compassionate, nature lover, and good mother.” All of these are true. Above all, she knows who she is and is not afraid to speak her mind. The many facets to her personality are what make Jane such an interesting, complex person. Indeed, she seems to be able to find common ground with all different types of people, with very little difficulty. “I just find it really easy to talk to people. I try to think about where they may be coming from, and I think that makes it easier,” Jane states.

Susan says:

[7] Keep in mind that an interview paper doesn’t always mean that you interview only the person you’re writing about.

Here, the writer has interviewed both Jane’s fiance and a friend in order to help show readers Jane’s character.

One of the things that draw people in is that she is very open about her life and lifestyle: she is unashamedly gay. In fact, this is what her friend Teresa admired most about her when she met her in nursing school. Jane speaks openly about her previous marriage and long custody battle for the son she had helped raise from birth. “I just feel like the more people who know the struggles we face will increase exposure to the bigger picture. Equal rights are important to me—for everyone, not just myself,” Jane asserts. *[8]

Susan says:

*[8] Here, the writer includes additional examples and quotes to help illustrate the complexity of Jane’s personality.

Jane faced the battle of her life fighting for custody of her son after the breakup of her marriage. Though she shares no biological connection with her son, Jane never gave up the fight for custody, despite concerns for the effect it would have on him. “I worried how the legal battle would affect him: Would it be devastating for him? Would it open new wounds? Would it destroy the life he has now?” Ultimately, Jane persevered, maintaining, “This was, and is, my child, and you don’t let your children go.” Once same sex marriage was legalized in Michigan, and after five years of legal battles, she finally succeeded in winning 50/50 custody of her son. That does not mean, however, that the battle is over; Jane and her son are still struggling to learn how to be in each other’s lives again after such a long period of estrangement. Jane states, “It definitely has been an adjustment—for both of us. The first day I had him back, he didn’t even speak to me, but things get better day by day. And we’re figuring things out as we go.” *[9]

Susan says:

*[9] This paragraph includes a more detailed example of Jane’s perseverance as she fought for custody of her child.

Mixing brief and more detailed examples is an excellent writing strategy as it allows you to discuss a variety of examples and focus on the most significant examples in detail.

She also doesn’t let her previous failed marriage stop her from finding love again and is set to marry her fiancé Jess later this month. “I’m excited for the future. I can’t wait to continue this adventure with the love of my life. I feel like I’ve been waiting for her my whole life.” One of the things Jess states she loves most is their “shared love of anything outdoors.”  And while Jane acknowledges she has  many varied interests, including a voracious appetite for the written word, her greatest love is “to enjoy natural beauty and the peace that comes with it.” *[10]

Susan says:

*[10] This paragraph also reinforces Jane’s perseverance by showing another aspect of her life where this characteristic has been revealed: her love life.

With the help of her high school teacher, Jane realized she wanted to “be somebody,” but struggled to find her calling. Jane recalls, “I’ve had so many jobs before nursing, like 10–15 at least. I enjoyed them all for the most part, but mostly I enjoyed learning and mastering them. Then I was ready to move on.” Jane attributes this to “a need to find new challenges.” Once she found nursing, she realized that the infinite number of challenges and specialties within the field would provide ongoing challenges for her curious mind. Jane states, “It’s perfect. If I get bored or need a new challenge, I can change departments, specialize in a certain field, teach, basically do anything.” As a nurse, she thrives in the supervisory position; she definitely likes to be the one calling the shots and is a very capable delegator. “I don’t like to be told what to do, so I like being in charge,” Jane avows. As her fiancé would say, “She is bossy, but good at it.” Her greatest assets as a nurse are her desire to “do what is right in any situation” and a drive to know more, to do more. Knowledge is power. She also never forgets the most important component of nursing: the patient. [11] Her patients are the number one priority; she will “fight for their health, safety, and rights.” “Because who else will?” she speculates. *[11]

Susan says:

*[11] The above paragraph transitions from Jane’s personal life to her professional life.

This discussion is effective as it illustrates Jane’s character via various aspects of her life.

Is she perfect? No. But overall, she has a very strong moral code and is not afraid to stand up for what she thinks is right: in love, in life, in her career. It is this strength that enabled her to overcome obstacles in her journey through life.  In fact, the most important thing she would want people to know about her is that she “won’t give up.” The greatest thing I have learned from knowing her is the value of believing in yourself: to be who you want to be, to stand up for what you think is right, to just take a stand. She is an asset to any facility where she works and a bright light to all who know her. I am proud to call her friend. *[12]

Susan says:

*[12] The conclusion includes a significant quote as it establishes Jane’s personality in her own words and again emphasizes the dominant impression of perseverance.

Any Questions?

If you still have questions or are struggling with your interview paper, here are some additional resources:

More example interview papers:

• Expository Essay Interview with Grandpa
• Interview with Professor Bill Mathews on the Rapid Improvements in Modern Technology

Interview paper writing tips:

• Why Eliminating Wordiness Is So Important for Your Essay
• Passive Voice: 3 Things You Need to Know for a Better Essay
• How to Write Good Essay Titles That Are…Good
• How to Write a Profile Feature Article

If you’ve been interviewing friends, hoping to find someone qualified enough to review your essay, look no further, your friends at Kibin are here to help!

When you open the box, the directions are text only. There are no images to show what screw A or fastener B actually look like and no diagrams to show how to connect shelf 1 to bottom panel B.

We have also started using a virtual office (from Virtual Office London) and it’s been a brilliant tool to give us more privacy and the service as been excellent so comes highly recommended.

In this case, a diagram or example would do wonders.

The same is true for writing a new type of paper. If you’ve never written a business case study before, you could look for the help of Andy Defrancesco or reading an example can certainly help you see what a finished product might look like

Reading an example case study can certainly help you see what a finished product looks like.
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So if you’re writing a business case study and need an example, you’re in luck. I’ve got two business case study examples (with annotations) just for you. For more on this topic, visit compareyourbusinesscosts.co.uk/.

2 Business Case Study Examples That Perform Like a Boss

Most case studies follow a specific format and include an overview of the business, a discussion of the problem, proposed solutions, and recommendations.

(If you want a refresher about the specifics, read How to Write a Case Study That Means Business.)

In the examples below, I’ve included annotations to help you see what these writers do well. I have also provided suggestions to highlight areas where these case studies might be improved.

For both business case study examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph as a whole.

Now let’s get to those business case study examples!

Business case study example #1: A Training Needs Assessment of the McDonald’s Corporate Restaurants and the Possible Outcomes of Modifying Their Training Program

Though this case study requires some revision, I’ve included it here as an example of a solid basic structure. It includes all of the basic components of an effective case study:

• An introduction to the problem
• An overview of the company and the problem
• Proposed solutions
• Conclusion section
• Evidence to support information

This case study, however, would be more effective if it expanded ideas through further discussion, examples, and evidence from sources.

A Training Needs Assessment of the McDonald’s Corporate Restaurants and the Possible Outcomes of Modifying Their Training Program

[1] Summary

[2] In the fast food industry, it is not uncommon for customers to expect unsatisfactory service. Quality is becoming one of the widely addressed concerns among these types of restaurant chains. Since it has become a common standard for chains such as Burger King and McDonald’s to underperform in terms of service and quality. The only “justifiable ” reasons for this are the low costs of food and the quick service, hence being deemed a “fast food” restaurant. Other widely known facts regarding these establishments are the minimal level of qualifications required for holding a job, and the level of pay that reflects it. Many of the employees that work in this type of industry know that this is not an ideal career. [3] Many workers have minimal education and/ or work experience, and are often younger. The quality of food and the competence of the employees is also evident of  this. [4] For this training needs assessment, I will be discussing possible outcomes in modifying the training program of McDonald’s corporate restaurants.

Susan says:

[1] Like most case studies, this example uses headings to distinguish the various sections of the paper.

Check with your professor to see which headings should be used in your assignment.

Susan says:

[2] The opening line of the introduction establishes the broad focus of this case study: service at fast food restaurants.

This is a good start because it sets the stage for the paper, but starting with a good hook sentence would make this even stronger.

(Read: How to Write Good Hook Sentences.)

Susan says:

[3] These two sentences begin to narrow the focus of the paper: working qualifications and training.

(Read: How to Narrow a Topic and Write a Focused Paper.)

Susan says:

[4] Though this writer chooses to write in first person (“I”), most academic writing is written in third person.

(Read: Why Third-Person Writing Is Critical to a Great Essay.)

The final line of the introduction is the thesis statement and establishes the problem to be analyzed: modification of the training program at McDonald’s.

(Read: How to Write a Thesis Statement in 5 Simple Steps.)

Training Needs Assessment

[5] Many of the employees who work for McDonald’s are high school students without a formal education. This is why it is justifiable for this fast food chain to pay their workers such low wages. It is a common industry practice to start common crew members off at minimum wage. [6] Even the supervisors who oversee the operation of these establishments make an average of $18,230 annually (Bradford, 2013). The hard work and stress that is required to function at one of these places can make employees feel like they want to give up. A negative mindset can have detrimental effects on an employee’s work performance. [7] Still, the low pay and high turnover rates make many employees indispensable. This allows them to get away with poor work ethics and less-than-adequate training. [8] By providing a more higher hygienic standards, reasonable pay and a training program which is more enforced, McDonald’s has the potential to reclaim its positive status in the fast food market.

Susan says:

[5] In the opening sentences, the writer provides background information and an overview of McDonald’s workforce: teens with little education or experience who are paid minimum wage.

Establishing the type of workforce at McDonald’s enables the reader to understand where problems in training might exist and how to improve training.

Susan says:

[6] Background information and a discussion of the problem should be supported with evidence.

Here, the writer cites one source, but it is the only citation in this section. Incorporating additional research would help strengthen the overview and analysis.

(Read: 3 Types of Essay Support That Prove You Know Your Stuff.)

Susan says:

[7] These two sentences do a great job of clearly illustrating the key problem in training: workers are paid little for their stressful work. This leads to high turnover rates.

Susan says:

[8] The last sentence of this paragraph establishes the writer’s solution.

While increasing pay and improving training make sense, in the context of the current case study, the idea of improving hygiene is out of place here. It hasn’t been discussed as part of the problem.

If the writer would like to include a discussion of hygiene concerns, the information should be included earlier in the paper.

Doing a reverse outline to identify any areas that stray off course would help the writer identify issues like this.

(Read: What Is a Reverse Outline and Why Should You Use One?)

Outcome 1

As minimum wage gradually increases, the difference in pay between common crew members and their floor supervisors will also decrease. Many fast food chains, including McDonald’s, start their crew members close to minimum wage, which does not significantly affect their prices (Katz & Krueger, 1992). This lack of price change is mainly reflected in the salary cuts of higher-ups within the company. When employees are not making enough money for the stress and fast-paced labor that they are required to endure, they will naturally feel less inclined to do a good job. This also applies to trainers and employees in positions of authority. If workers are paid appropriate wages, they will likely be motivated to work harder. *[9]

Susan says:

*[9] In Outcome 1, the writer argues that pay among hourly employees and floor supervisors is too low, thus causing poor work ethic.

This is an important consideration, yet this argument could be strengthened by adding additional examples and evidence from sources to support this information.

Outcome 2

Training programs of many fast food chains are very simplistic and not taken seriously very often. At McDonald’s new crew members are required to watch videos before watching other people do their job. In many instances, job training is not enforced thoroughly. If a program in which verifiable progress is being made, new employees will likely face less confusion in their position. *[10]

Susan says:

*[10] In Outcome 2, the writer emphasizes the need for managers to enforce training practices. Yet like previous sections, the details here are a little vague.

Adding specifics would create a more effective discussion.

Outcome 3

The quality of fast food is one of the most notable consequences of consuming it. It is common for unmotivated employees to not take their personal hygiene seriously. In turn, this negatively affects the sanitation and quality of the food (Egan, 2007). When food service establishments take the time to enforce thorough and basic sanitation procedures, the quality and safety of their products is ensured. *[11]

Susan says:

*[11] Though this point about personal hygiene is discussed in the solution, it is not fully addressed in the background information.

Remember to stay consistent. If hygiene is a concern in fast food industries, the writer needs to provide an overview of the problem in the background section.

Expected Performance

When employees are appropriately compensated and standards are strictly enforced, the quality of service will likely improve. Fast food establishments are no exception. In order for customers to receive satisfactory service and products, employees must be properly trained, properly motivated, and all products should be cooked and distributed safely. *[12]

Susan says:

*[12] A discussion of how to implement solutions is key to a successful case study.

While the case study does include a conclusion, it does not provide a specific discussion of how to implement the recommended solutions.

References [13]

Bradford, H. (2013, February 1). Chipotle Salary Can Top $95,000 Annually. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/01/chipotle-salary_n_2601611.html

Egan, M. B. (2007). A review of food safety and food hygiene training studies in the commercial sector. Food Control, 18(10), 1180-1190.

Katz, L., & Krueger, A. (1992). The Effect of the Minimum Wage on the Fast Food Industry. doi:10.3386/w3997

Susan says:

[13] The writer uses APA format to cite sources, but the capitalization on some of the titles is incorrect.

APA is usually the preferred citation style in business courses.

(Read: The Stress-Free Guide to APA Essay Format.)

Business case study example #2: Walmart Marketing History and Marketing Case Study

This case study analyzes Walmart’s business strategies, possible problems with the current strategies, and recommendations. This paper, however, is missing a conclusion.

Walmart Marketing History and Marketing Case Study

[1] Question # 1

[2] In Customer Intimacy and Other Value Disciplines, Treacy and Wiersema highlight three distinct “paths” or strategies to market leadership. They include operational excellence, customer intimacy, and product leadership. [3] This paper will highlight how Wal-Mart has successfully implemented the operational excellence strategy, as well as consider future initiatives within this strategy that Wal-Mart can still incorporate. The discussion will then focus on the customer intimacy strategy and explain how Wal-mart has also incorporated this strategy in a variety of its operations. The product leadership strategy will also be briefly discussed, however, due to its limited scope in this particular environment, it will not be emphasized.

Susan says:

[1] Though headings are generally used in case studies, this essay uses questions to help identify key parts of the paper.

Check with your professor on the expected format for your paper.

(Read: Essay Formatting Survival Guide (Infographic).)

Susan says:

[2] This case study successfully provides a definition of business strategies to give readers background information, a key component of a good introduction.

(Read: How to Write an Essay Introduction in 3 Easy Steps.)

Susan says:

[3] Though a thesis statement is generally a one-sentence overview, this paper includes several sentences to identify the topic and focus of the paper. In doing so, the writer provides an effective roadmap of the essay.

(Read: How to Make a Thesis Statement the Easy Way (Infographic).)

Wal-Mart has effectively implemented an operational excellence strategy in its quest to continually lower costs and deliver products and services with minimal difficulty or inconvenience. Whether it be through reducing costs, through its various relationships and practices with suppliers or controlling energy consumption by monitoring and controlling lights, heat, A/C, etc from their head office or even managing inventory efficiently, Wal-Mart has effectively minimized both variable and fixed costs while also ensuring stock outs are minimized. Wal-Mart has also effectively eliminated (non-value) added production steps as it successfully re-defined the integrated retailers relationships with its manufacturers who have been constantly improving by adding new Thermal Dynamics automation tools. Wal-Mart has also been successful in implementing a variety of IT systems that have also facilitated this strategy. Whether it’s through their own private satellite networks, or their EDI systems with suppliers or even the implementation of UPC scanners at the registers, Wal-Mart has been an industry leader in using technology to facilitate this strategy. Wal-Mart has also successfully incorporated convenience in their strategy, as some stores are open 24-7, and if one was to look at the multiple services offered, whether it be the automotive garage, pharmacy, restaurant, photo lab, they are effectively becoming a one stop shop. (A friend has even joked, that in the future, they will have a day surgery department.) *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] In this paragraph, the writer provides background information and discusses the strategies Walmart has implemented in order to lower costs.

[5] Has Wal-Mart reached the limits of lowering costs? Absolutely not. As indicated, they have a variety of initiatives that are being examined. The first initiative involves using Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) with their top 100 suppliers. This will further improve their distribution efficiency, as it will reduce the need for unloading to check products, as well as, serve as an internal control function in dealing with shrinkage. It’s been estimated that such technology could unlock supply chain cost savings of 6%. The second initiative, involves improving its efficiency with customers. By using RFID tags in stores to further reduce check out labor requirements, as well as shrinkage, Wal-Mart would again be lowering operational costs due to improved efficiencies. It’s important to note, that with technology, it’s inevitable that new products and procedures will always be emerging that will continue to enhance and facilitate this strategy. Wal-Mart’s current practices are also undoubtedly not 100% effective and efficient, thus, it is reasonable to expect Wal-Mart to continue to make advances in the practices currently in place and become even more cost efficient and profitable within an operational excellence strategy. *[6]

Susan says:

[5] Here, the writer successfully transitions from an overview of current Walmart practices to a discussion of how to improve Walmart’s current cost-lowering practices.

(Read: How Good Transition Words Can Improve Your Writing.)

Susan says:

*[6] The above paragraph discusses recommendations to improve Walmart’s cost-lowering strategies.

While the information is effective, it could be strengthened through use of evidence that would further support these strategies.

Although on examining Wal-Mart’s practices, the focus is on operational excellence, if one was to look at a variety of the practices currently being used by Wal-Mart in its ability to market its merchandise in unique targeted ways, it becomes clear that Wal-Mart is also following a customer intimacy strategy. Customer Intimacy, as defined by Treacy and Wiersema means segmenting and targeting the markets precisely and then tailoring offerings to match exactly the demands of those niches. One would only have to look at Wal-Mart’s Modular Category Assortment Planning System (MCAPS) to see this strategy in use. The MCAPS system examines store traits and historical selling data to establish store specific modulars, which essentially plan the layout of products to best, suit a particular market. There are literally thousands of specific layouts, all of which can alter the size and merchandise mix for the target market. This data is collected, integrated and analyzed in the various information systems, which serve both as great supply chain management tool and a way to establish purchasing patterns of target customers. Another example of this segmentation is evident in Wal-Mart having 3 distinct store formats, which are also segmented to particular target markets. Wal-Mart is also using this strategy in its practices of empowering store managers with the autonomy of sourcing locally and running particular promotions in which they feel target their specific market. By continuing to train and even cross train employees it will also facilitate this strategy, as associates will be more knowledgeable and helpful to customers. *[7]

Susan says:

*[7] The writer uses this paragraph to provide readers with more background information about Walmart’s marketing strategies.

The product leadership strategy of offering customers leading edge products and services that consistently enhance customer’s use or application of the product has not been a strategy that Wal-Mart has actively employed. You could certainly present Wal-Mart as the industry leader in driving a variety of the innovations that have been implemented in this industry, however, as far as offering customer’s leading edge products and services has not been its strategy.

[8] Question # 2

In analyzing the various store formats and target markets within each format, it is first important to highlight why Wal-Mart expanded its operations then examine each expansion in some detail to highlight how Wal-Mart targets distinct markets. Further growth opportunities will then be evaluated, as well as the potential for the cannibalization of sales within Wal-Mart’s expansion objectives. *[9]

Susan says:

[8] Once again, the writer uses a question format to address the expansion strategy of Walmart.

Susan says:

*[9] In the above paragraph, the writer addresses the recommendation of additional expansion strategies.

The driving force behind every Wal-Mart initiative was and is the continued growth and profitability of its operations. Quite simply as Wal-Mart developed over the decades, it continually sought ways to become more efficient and for new avenues in which to pursue profitable growth. Although Wal-Mart started off with the regular Discount Stores, in 1988, “it intended to drive increased traffic to the general merchandise departments through the food offering.” However, what Wal-Mart’s discovered is that with its operating efficiencies the food business was deemed profitable in and of itself. [10] As such Wal-Mart focused on this expansion and the following four retail formats were developed to target specific markets: Discount Stores – 1568 Stores (40 departments & limited grocery) -company’s leading retail format by number of stores (trend of converting to Supercenters) -potential customer base of at least 150,000 people -remained concentrated in small towns and rural areas – less competition -consumer target by income ($60,000 to less than $25,000) Supercenters – 1258 Stores (40 departments & full line grocery) -larger format that added a full-line grocery store to a Discount Store with ancillary or specialty departments -larger more focused on food (45% sales) -more ancillary businesses and services than direct competitors -potential customer base of 76,000 people were needed to generate the volume to break even -operating margins were smaller due to narrow margins on food in general -remained concentrated in small towns and rural areas – less competition -consumer target by income ($75,000 to greater than $25,000) Neighborhood Markets – smallMarts – 49 Stores (limited drug and grocery) -stores focused on groceries but also offered limited lines of general merchandise and photo processing -enter space constrained suburban areas -consumer target by income (greater than $75,000 to $25,000) SAM’s Clubs – 525 Stores (large format) -warehouse clubs – bulk buying and rapidly changing assortments of relatively few SKUs in warehouses -not industry leader – COSTCO -addresses a more affluent market segment than either Supercenters or Neighborhood Markets -consumer target by income (greater than $75,000 to $40,000) Walmart.com -access to higher income consumers (earning $75,000 and above) It is important to note that Wal-Mart not only targeted specific customers based on income, but targeted specific markets based on population, as this would be the key factor in deciding what store format could be developed. *[11]

Susan says:

[10] While these statistics offer great evidence, awkward formatting and the overly long sentence make the readability quite poor.

If this information were broken up into several sentences or presented as a bullet list of facts, it would make the content more reader-friendly and clearer.

Susan says:

*[11] The above paragraph provides a clear overview of Walmart’s strategy and uses good evidence from sources to provide statistics regarding Walmart’s expansion.

In the future, Wal-Mart should focus its efforts on expanding the Supercenter store format because of the following reasons: -Long run sales are expected to be higher for the Supercenter store than the Discount store and even when you incorporate initial investments, the Supercenter is substantially more profitable (Sales $75 million / year compared to $39 million / year) -Even if operating margins are slightly lower (2%) in the Supercenter, the additional volume will increase NPV per store – Exhibit 7 -Has substantial room for upgrading or expanding its current 1,568 Discount stores -There is substantial room for expansion of new Supercenters: “Wal-Mart planned to open 1,000 more in the US along in the next five years.” (Pg. 20) -Estimates show you only need 76,000 people to generate break-even volume, which facilitates expansion in both small communities and elsewhere This particular expansion does have drawbacks as the overall growth of the core business and food in the U.S. is expected to taper off from 15% to 10% over the next decade. As well, the Supercenters’ operating margins are also currently at 6.6%, and although they do expect to get better as the operations mature and improve, efficiencies would have to drive this margin to at least 7.5 – 8 % to see significant increases in NPV per store, which is feasible. *[12]

Susan says:

*[12] Following the pattern of the previous paragraphs, this paragraph transitions to recommendations on how Walmart can further successfully expand.

Having evaluated the various alternatives, it is felt that Wal-Mart should continue to seek ways to improve its operations to be as efficient and effective as possible, while focusing on the expansion of its Supercenters both through new site developments, as well as, upgrading and expanding its current Discount sites.

Cannibalization can occur with the expansion and upgrading of this strategy, however, by the examination of the Neilson Panel Data, it clearly demonstrated that sales growth in the Supercenter’s were mainly derived from new shoppers, increased purchases from existing shoppers, competing shoppers and less than a quarter were actually from other Wal-Mart division stores. Thus, it can be concluded that new sites, which would be established in various new locations (not near other stores), would not significantly cannibalize other stores’ sales. As well, by expanding Discount stores, cannibalization would also be reduced, as they would not be building new competing sites, but merely expanding product and service offerings.

Question # 3

On examining the proposed financial services opportunity Wal-Mart is considering, one would suspect that this strategy would not only be a great complement to the various other services Wal-Mart currently provides, it could easily be facilitated very effectively and efficiently. On discussing this opportunity, this paper will highlight various factors in why Wal-Mart should pursue this growth option. *[13]

Susan says:

*[13] Again, the writer begins a new section with a question. This time, the writer examines financial services within Walmart.

The first factor of why Wal-Mart should pursue this strategy is that it can be easily facilitated in its current operations. Wal-Mart has thousands of stores, to facilitate this new in-store service; stores would only have to be slightly modified. Which again, could be even easier facilitated if they choose to have this service in a kiosk, or in the middle of their store, like the photo labs. Such expansion would not be costly, and any mistakes made early on in the roll out of such services, could easily be fixed for subsequent roll outs.

The second factor is that Wal-Mart has absolutely transformed and redefined the operational excellence strategy, as well as the customer intimacy strategy. It has very effectively implemented cost savings both from the supplier and customer side and has initiated a variety of information technology systems that have driven these strategies. The financial services could easily be added incorporating this strategy, whether it be through modifying their current IT systems or tailoring specific sites to offer specific products, depending on the target markets, Wal-Mart’s core strengths would make this service effective.

The third factor is that by implementing yet another service, such as financial services, it will not only give customers more convenience; this service will truly be a complementary service. For example, if a customer has to go to the bank and do groceries, they would be very inclined to do it all under one roof, again adding to the operational excellence strategy of providing customers convenience. *[14]

Susan says:

*[14] The above three paragraphs provide a detailed overview of why Walmart’s current strategy is effective.

In examining the difficulties or threats with providing such services, three immediate concerns must be addressed. Currently, references have been made to various regulatory problems that Wal-Mart has encountered. These must be evaluated because if regulatory problems are going to be a battle in every state, it would make the roll out of such services very costly, especially if Wal-Mart had to continually lobby state and federal governments or hire lawyers for litigation proceedings. The second issue involves IT security issues. Although, they currently have industry leading IT systems in place, the nature of the financial services sector, would undoubtedly require a variety of additional security measures, which would also have to be addressed. The third issue involves the human resource function in the employment of financial service representatives. Would their required skill levels be higher than other employees? The skill level of employees would also dictate, what services could be offered at the various branches, which leads into what financial services entails. *[15]

Susan says:

*[15] In the above paragraph, the writer explains recommendations for possible improvements.

Does financial services simply mean a financial institution where you can have a savings, chequing or credit card accounts and have other services such as payroll cheque cashing, money orders, etc. or would this encompass investment accounts, etc. in which employees would have to be very thoroughly trained and certified. Due to the limitations of the later, financial services would be deemed as the first description. Although, on examining the Wal-Mart website’s financial services page, it only offered credit cards, which is interesting. Was this the intended expansion strategy, or did other factors impede further product or service expansion? *[16]

Susan says:

*[16] This case study provides a detailed overview of Walmart’s business strategies and offers succinct recommendations.

However, the paper is missing an effective conclusion.

(Read: How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.)

It’s also missing in-text citations within the case study and a list of references at the end. Most business writing requires APA referencing.

Polished to Perfection

Even after you’ve reviewed business case study examples and think you’ve mastered your writing technique, you can always improve.

Here are three quick tips to help you put the finishing touches on your paper:

• Make sure you’ve used the correct citation format (and used the format correctly) for in-text citations. In most cases, you’ll use APA format.
• Take the time to revise and edit your own work.
• Let the experts provide some professional revision tips.

Happy writing!

Both you and your instructor may have very different definitions of the word. That’s the inherent problem with defining terms that can be subjective. Each person can have a different idea of what the term means.

That’s where I come in. I’ve annotated two definition essays in this post to point out what makes them good (and in some cases, what makes some sections not so good).

If you’re looking for help writing your paper before you even look at definition essay examples, check out How to Write a Definition Essay with Confidence.

If you’re struggling to find a topic for your paper, here are 20 Definition Essay Topics That Go Beyond the Obvious.

And now, on with the show. Here are two definition essay examples that define it all.

2 Definition Essay Examples That Define It All

These two essays each use a subjective term as the focus and create an extended definition.

Notice that neither of these essays begins with the phrase, “According to Webster’s dictionary…” Yours probably shouldn’t start with this type of phrase, either.

In most cases, you’ll be defining terms that your readers will already have a basic understanding of. Thus, there’s no reason to include a dictionary definition.

For both definition essay examples, my commentary is below each paragraph. The specific text I’m discussing is notated with a bracket and a corresponding number [#]. When you see an asterisk in front of that at the end of a paragraph *[#], my comments apply to the preceding paragraph as a whole.

Now let’s get to those examples!

Definition essay example #1: Defining Beauty

Introduction

[1] How do you judge if someone is beautiful for the first time you see them? By physical appearance is the most popular answer you may find. [2] To the majority of people, beauty is solely dependent on how a person looks on the outside. However, some might argue that inner beauty is more important than outer appearance. It is difficult to fully define beauty because everyone has their own views about beauty. [3] In my view, beauty has to deal with one’s self as the only rival.

Susan says: 

[1] This essay opens with a rhetorical question to grab the reader’s attention. While using a rhetorical question is a good strategy, notice that the writer uses second person (you) in this question.

Second person isn’t usually accepted in academic writing, so check with your instructor to see if you’re allowed to use second person in your definition essay.

(Read: How to Read and Understand an Essay Assignment.)

Susan says: 

[2] Here, the writer establishes the focus of the essay: how people define beauty both by outward appearances and by inner beauty.

(Read: How to Make a Thesis Statement the Easy Way (Infographic).)

Susan says: 

[3] This sentence begins with first person (my).

Third person is generally preferred in academic writing, so again, check with your instructor to see which point of view you should use in your essay.

(Read: Why Third-Person Writing Is Critical to a Great Essay.)

Body paragraphs

[4] The term “beauty” was originated from Anglo-French beute. It was first known used in the 14th century as “physical attractiveness,” and also “goodness, courtesy.” The meaning of beauty also came from several different places including: Old French biaute “beauty, seductiveness, beautiful person,” and Latin bellus “pretty, handsome, charming.” For the most part, beauty was originally associated with physical attractiveness. Therefore, many people use beauty as something to deal with outer appearance in today’s world. On the other hand, beauty could be meant as “goodness, courtesy,” and “charming” from its origins. For a long time, two different trends of thoughts about beauty as physical appearance as well as personality have been formed.

Susan says:

[4] The above paragraph provides background information to establish the origins of the word “beauty.”

By the writer defining the word’s origins, readers can better understand the current definition(s) of the word.

[5] The first and most popular interpretation of the word “beauty” is seen as outer appearance. On that perception, “beauty” and “attractiveness” have a significant difference even though they are word cousins. A beautiful looking person may be attractive, but an attractive person does not need to be beautiful. One person may look at someone beautiful with “deep satisfaction in the mind” because that person admire how beautiful the other is. Someone, who is not striking beautiful looking, may attract other people just by how they express their personalities. The others who are attracted to that particular individual because they feel connected, happy, and comfortable around that person.

Susan says:

[5] In the above paragraph, the writer begins to define the current meaning of beauty.

The writer also explains the difference between outward beauty and what personality traits might make someone attractive.

Again, these types of definitions help clarify the term and how it is defined in today’s culture.

While attractiveness may result in long lasting relationships, physical beauty only brings short term pleasant feeling in the mind. Yet, beauty as outer appearances conquers many societies around the world. [6] For instance, American culture tends to value the way a person looks. That value is transmitted from one generation to the next by families, peers, and media in the process of enculturation. Young children come to adapt ways of thinking and feeling about physical beauty from their families first. [7] The show Toddlers & Tiaras is an example because it follows families of young contestants in child beauty pageants. Contestants’ moms train and force their young girls closely resemble their adult counterparts including waxing eyebrows and wearing heavy makeup. Thus, these young girls are shaped to think that beautiful outer look is the only thing to get them to win and gives them what they want. Especially Daisey Mae, an 8-year-old pageant pro, said that “Facial beauty is the most important thing, in life and in pageants.”

Susan says:

[6] This sentence is the topic sentence of the paragraph and identifies America’s focus on outward beauty.

In this case, the topic sentence doesn’t appear as the first sentence of the paragraph, yet it is well-placed to identify the paragraph’s focus.

(Read: Here Is the Right Way and the Wrong Way to Write Topic Sentences.)

Susan says:

[7] An example from pop culture is included here to help support the idea that America is focused on outward beauty.

This example works well as it even includes a quote from an 8-year-old beauty contestant who feels that “facial beauty is the most important thing in life and in pageants.”

Beside families, the media plays a significant role in influencing people to view beauty as having good faces and sexy bodies. According to “The Wound in the Face” by Angela Carter, images from women’s magazines give women the ideas of what beautiful faces and bodies are “supposed to be looking like.” To achieve beauty like models and celebrities, women usually waste tons of money in fixing themselves because they think their bodies are ugly and in need of a makeover. [8] Carter refers to “the burden of having to look beautiful” which many women and even men today suffer. This burden is wearing heavy makeup masks to conceal their imperfect naked face, undergoing strict diets and painful plastic surgery. In some extreme cases, women even lose their own lives. Another example is the impact of television in changing the idea of beauty in small areas. There was no television in Fiji, a South Pacific nation, before 1995. The “thin” idea did not affected them yet because “skinny legs” was used in order to insult someone. After television was introduced, girls in Fiji began dieting and showing in signs of anorexics. This was a response to the beautiful, tall, and skinny woman on the TV. *[9]

Susan says:

[8] Quotes from a source are used in the above paragraph to further define beauty and illustrate how media emphasizes the importance of outward beauty.

While using a quote is an excellent strategy to help support claims, the writer should also include a proper in-text citation and a corresponding Works Cited (MLA) or References page (APA).

(Read: The Stress-Free Guide to MLA Essay Format (8th Edition) or The Stress-Free Guide to APA Essay Format.)

Susan says:

*[9] The goal of this paper is to define beauty.

This paragraph, however, strays from the focus as it discusses the media’s influence across the world.

In order to use the information in this paragraph, the writer should make a stronger connection to the paper’s focus by explaining more about Fiji’s definition of beauty.

This would allow the writer to create a more detailed discussion about how people in various parts of the world define beauty.

(Read: How to Narrow a Topic and Write a Focused Paper.)

[10] Even though outer beauty is dominant, it does not mean that everyone has to agree with that idea. There are people who believe that inner beauty is more important. Sadly, societies nowadays have narrowed down the appreciation of beauty to only visual sense, but we forget that the inside of a person can also determine their true beauty. We tend to judge others’ quickly and harshly merely based on their appearance. [11] For example, a guy with black skin, thick beard, and big muscles is considered violent and fiery. Another guy is seen as cute and trustworthy because he has white skin and a baby face. Those judgments are not often true because we do not get to know their real inner side. A beautiful looking person with an ugly heart is truly ugly. Time will soon age his or her outer look. They cannot reserve their youth forever even if they ask for the knife helps. That person’s ugly personality chases away the people around him or her. As a result, he or she will end up being ugly from inside out.

Susan says:

[10] Here, the writer successfully transitions to the second component of the paper: how beauty is defined by inner beauty.

(Read: 97 Transition Words for Essays You Need to Know.)

Susan says:

[11] This paragraph includes several examples of how people are judged by outward appearances and how people should take time to understand the beauty within.

Though the ideas in these examples are on track, the actual examples are weak because they are generalized.

To improve this paragraph, the writer should include more specific examples and perhaps evidence and quotes from sources.

(Read: 3 Types of Essay Support That Prove You Know Your Stuff.)

In contrast, a not good looking person with a beautiful heart is beautiful. Inner beauty is considered as personality and morality. They express their inner self by caring and loving other people. Their inner beauty attract and create long lasting bonds with others. Inner beauty is always young, so it covers a person’s aged looking. Despite of being old, a person with beautiful personality will always feel beautiful and happy because there are people who are willing to love and care for them in return. There are people who are perfectly beautiful because not only they own good looking bodies but also have kindness within their hearts. They use their success to do charity work in order to return back to the community. [12] Namely, Taylor Swift has an ideal body and is a successful singer at a young age. She does not let her outer appearance to cover up her inner beauty. She received the Ripple of Hope Award for donating $4 million to the Country Hall of Fame Museum and topped many lists as most charitable celebrity for her work with children who have cancer. Many of her fans around the world admire her not just her talents but by her personality.

Susan says:

[12] At the end of this paragraph, the writer uses a specific and effective example to define inner beauty.

Conclusion

Besides the two traditional meanings of beauty, the thinking about beauty has been altered and extended more overtime. [13] Beauty is not necessary being felt and appreciated by other people because it can be formed within one’s self. To me, beauty is to overcome your bias against your body, learn to appreciate and love what you’re naturally created with. Alice Walker is the one who shapes my idea of the term “beauty.” In “Beauty: When the Other Dancer is the Self,” Walker explains her journey to find the love for her right eye.

Susan says:

[13] The conclusion wraps up the essay by asserting a final definition: how individuals define beauty within themselves.

This works well to not only wrap up ideas but to also leave readers thinking about their own definition(s) of beauty.

(Read: 12 Essay Conclusion Examples to Help You Finish Strong.)

Definition essay example #2: Swimming Up Mainstream: The Hipster Culture

Introduction

[1] Every generation has had its movements and fads among young people. After women got the right to vote, they experienced new, scandalous freedoms in the 1920s in which they strove to be modern and fashionable. After World War II, disgruntled young people were magnetized toward movements like civil rights and women’s liberation. Their hair became longer and views more radical when they were called “hippies” in the 1970s. In the 1990s, style was edgier and grungier. What fad has dominated the twenty-first century? [2] The rebels of the 2010s are the hipsters: the thrift-store shoppers, indie music junkies, and do-it-yourselfers. In the past few years, this movement has grown from a passing fad to an entire subculture among millennials. So how has the hipster culture become so popular?

Susan says:

[1] This essay effectively opens with background information about subcultures throughout history.

This strategy starts the paper broadly to grab the reader’s interest, then narrows to the focus of the paper: hipsters.

(Read: How to Write an Essay Introduction in 3 Easy Steps.)

Susan says: 

[2] These lines identify the focus of the paper: the hipster subculture and its definition.

(Read: How to Write a Thesis Statement in 5 Simple Steps.)

Body paragraphs

First, the term “hipster” is not clearly defined. One person might say a hipster is someone who follows all the latest trends, while another might think it is someone who has his own unique style.  The term “hipster” can define a wide spectrum of people; therefore, what makes a hipster a hipster is ambiguous. Does a “true” hipster follow the latest trends, or does he invent his own, unconventional fashion? Since the hipster style has become fashionable among younger people, a hipster can be someone who follows popular trends; however, a hipster can also be someone who has his own unique, if not odd, style, in thought, appearance, and overall lifestyle. The more the term hipster is used, the broader its definition becomes. An individual who still follows the nineties grunge style might still be considered a hipster because of his unique style, even though he does not fit into the twenty-first century hipster stereotype. Since the definition of who a hipster really is is unclear, there are different hipster subcultures making the culture broader and more diverse. *[3]

Susan says:

*[3] The writer uses the above paragraph to provide a broad and generally accepted definition of hipster.

This establishes a basic definition to work from and allows the writer an opportunity to then define the word in more specific terms.

Mainstream culture, especially music, has also played a part in popularizing the hipster lifestyle. The stereotypical hipster would find this ironic since he tends to live outside of the mainstream – or at least he likes to think he does. For example, folk and indie music became popular in the early 2010s when bands like Mumford & Sons, The Lumineers, and The Civil Wars released platinum albums and chart-topping singles. Indie rock bands like Imagine Dragons suddenly rose to stardom and entered the mainstream culture. This is an almost seismic shift compared to the rap and hip-hop that was popular less than ten years ago. What is difficult to determine is whether the music inspired the hipster or the hipster inspired the music.  There is no way to truly find out how the movement came so suddenly into the mainstream except that it was propelled by the public. *[4]

Susan says:

*[4] The above paragraph discusses the origins and influences of the hipster lifestyle but focuses only on music.

In order to develop this discussion, the writer should also include other cultural influences, such as other social or political movements.

This would also be a great place to add evidence from outside sources to help support the definition.

Additionally, because this paragraph discusses the origins of the movement (background information), it might be better placed as paragraph two.

(Need help with organization? Read: What Is a Reverse Outline and Why Should You Use One?)

[5] The hipster mentality is very independent and inventive, which is a change from American’s thought patterns in the past. Instead of doing things the way he has always done it, a hipster asks, “Why have we always done it that way when this way is so much easier?” The “do-it-yourself”, or DIY, mentality comes mainly from the progressive beliefs of hipsters. The movement stresses what makes someone unique. Hipsters pursue what they are passionate about without fear of judgment or failure.  Americans are becoming even more independent and individualistic, so it is easy for them to feed off of this belief. A person thinks he is special when he listens to a band his friend has never heard of, or wears drastically different clothes than his classmates. In a world of seven billion people, one wants to somehow feel important. By deviating from the norm, hipsters have inspired this individuality and new way of thinking.

Susan says:

[5] Here, the writer attempts to define a hipster as someone who is “independent and inventive.” While this definition is appropriate, the writer also states that this is “a change from American’s thought patterns in the past.”

This statement contradicts the introductory paragraph, which explains that previous subcultures were also independent and inventive.

Conclusion

The hipster culture has become popular because it has not been clearly defined, has been influenced by popular culture, and stresses the importance of the individual. The modern hipster has not been around for a long time, but most of them are young and are emerging as leaders and activists in the modern world. [6] Their culture encourages uniqueness and creativity, a welcome change for millennials who feel that tradition has become too harsh and rigid. [7] Every decade or so America sees a shift in the way young people think and behave, and their ideas and beliefs have stuck around. After all, women in the 1920s changed the lifestyles of future generations of women, and young people in the 1960s changed the lives of a whole race of people. Maybe the hipster is just another passing fad, or maybe it has inspired America’s culture enough that it is here to stay.

Susan says:

[6] This sentence effectively sums up the essay (and the hipster) and provides a clear definition of the subculture.

Susan says:

[7] The author closes the essay with a “bigger thought” about how the hipster may be the latest manifestation of how American youth change the culture.

(Read: How to Write a Killer Essay Conclusion.)

The Definition of a “Good” Definition Essay

The essays I’ve included here are examples of good definition essays because they provide reasonably detailed extended definitions. Is there room for improvement? Most certainly. And if you’ve just written a draft of your own definition essay, chances are there’s room for improvement in your essay too.

Need a few tips on how to make your paper even better than “good”? Check out these posts:

• 7 Essay Outline Templates to Get Your Essay Going
• How to Start Your Essay with a Bang
• 110 Good Thesis Statements for a Better Essay

Know who else can provide suggestions to make your paper better than just “good”? Yep, Kibin editors.

As the saying goes: “Good, better, best. Never let it rest until the good is better and the better is best.”

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